Dear Closet Chubby Chasers… Go Away!

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This weekend I logged onto my facebook page and I was like…

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Some dude had liked my page, left a whole bunch of comments and then started sending me private flirtatious messages asking me to call him. He even left his phone number! One of the awkward parts about being a plus size blogger, is that the pages I create to keep in touch with my PSP’s sometimes get infiltrated by creepy men. As I went to click the “block” button, I realized something. This guy was carefully perusing my photos and posts, but his facebook profile was locked down like Fort Knox. He had no photos and his name was listed as “Jamal Jamal”.

Isn’t it fascinating how men love to divulge their attraction to big women when hidden behind the veil anonymity?

The same thing used to happen to me when I was doing online dating. I’d have messages from men telling me how hot I was, but they had no photos, no profile info, nothing! Of course these men expected me to fall all over myself because they were giving me attention, but when I’d ask them to reveal their identities and send me a photo… Chubby Chaser HidingChubby Chaser HidingChubby Chaser Hiding

I am so sick and tired of men who are passionate about their “love for big women” but ashamed for anyone to know about it. The closet chubby chasers… the bbw fetish guys… the “come hook up with me in my dorm room but don’t talk to me in public” dudes… What is your problem?! Its hard enough maintaining confidence as a big girl without having to deal with your insecurities about your attraction to me. Telling a girl she’s pretty while refusing to be seen with her in public is a form of body shaming. Get out of here with that nonsense, please!

But here’s the deal… as much as I want all closet chubby chasers to go away, I can’t ignore the role that Plus Size Princesses play in making the “Jamal Jamal’s” of the world think its okay to keep us as a dirty little secret.

It’s up to us as big women not to settle for the guy who only wants to sleep with us but wont introduce us to his friends.

It’s our job not to let ourselves get sucked in by flattery from blank/anonymous profiles.

It’s our responsibility to think highly of ourselves and hold ourselves to a higher standard.

These closet chubby chasers do hurtful/shameful things to big girls because we let them. If we all banded together and said, no… we refuse to be your midnight girlfriend/pillow buddy/anonymous pen pal, then maybe… just maybe guys would cut it out. I know sometimes its hard and it feels good to have male attention, but if a guy can’t even show me his face as he tells me how beautiful I am, his words mean nothing to me. I’m going to block all closet chubby chasers and I encourage all of you to do the same…

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My Online Dating Mistakes… (Video)

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When I first started online dating I made so many rookie mistakes. I chose the wrong site, put up the wrong pics and said the wrong things. If you’re trying to get boo’d up in 2014 and online dating is part of your plan, these are the things not to do! Feel free to share your online dating mis-steps below… each one, teach one!

Mistake #1 I paid for online dating sites – in the end I had the most fun meeting guys on free sites. I was able to cast a wide net and I didn’t see every connection as something I had paid for which made things feel a bit more organic.

Mistake #2 I only put up one perfectly cropped, high angle, boobs and face only picture – Once I learned to put multiple pictures on my profile, the guys I met in person were never surprised by my size. This made my in person dates much more relaxed. We are the size we are… the guys who skip us because they see our full body pics aren’t the guys who we need to be dating anyway… Don’t forget, guys do photo trickery too… remember the guy who had no teeth? Well, his photos hid that very well!

Mistake #3 I was so confused by the online dating “lingo” and I said things on my profile that made me seem… um… fast – When my profile made it seem like I only wanted to hook up, guys definitely treated me that way. Oops!

What online dating mistakes have you made?

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“BBW” – Do you love the term? or hate it?

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Before we jump into todays post I have two updates for you:

1.) I’m giving away a $150 Walmart gift card here

2.) #PSPfit Tshirts are on sale here. Support us with a Tshirt and you’ll get a discounted membership when registration opens on Friday

Okay, now for today’s post…

I was walking in the garment district last week. I had my headphones in and was in my own world until a man stepped in front of me.

“You’re a ‘B.B.W.’ aren’t you…” he said with a wide smile as his eyes slid approvingly up and down my body.

For those of you who don’t know, “BBW” stands for “Big Beautiful Woman”. The man was trying to pay me a compliment, but it didn’t feel that way for a few reasons. As I’ve said before, “if you like me, don’t call me fat” if he said I was beautiful, that would have been enough. Its implied that he’s attracted to me at my current size. Adding the size differentiator really is unnecessary in my opinion. Then, there’s the term “BBW” on its own… the term makes me cringe a little bit.

Everyone has their own opinion of the BBW expression. I’ve noticed that it has a strong connotation with celebrating of big girls only as a sexual fetish. Even when I went to BBW clubs in the past, there was a crazy sexual focus that is different from mainstream nightclubs. For someone like me, who was looking to date… that was really hard to navigate.

Anyway, I think the guy called me a “BBW” as a compliment, and because “beautiful” is in the phrase, I can see how he’d be oblivious to how it makes me feel.

But just because I find the term sleazy doesn’t mean that everyone does. I mean, I clearly find empowerment in saying Plus Size Princess on this site, so maybe there’s some empowerment in the BBW phrase that I’m missing.

So, how do you feel about being called a BBW? …love it? or hate it?

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