Dating as a Plus Size Princess can be… interesting! Here I’ve chronicled all of my dating adventures here from online dating as a big girl, to the “BBW” club scene in NYC. Hopefully reading my stories will remind us that it is possible to find love at any size.

Why Meeting The Parents Terrified Me

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Last fall, I walked into my new apartment carrying a pizza, being careful not to trip over the array of boxes. Straight ahead, I caught sight of something that made my heart skip a beat: My dad and my Robert, putting together my furniture. I stood in the doorway, frozen for a few minutes as I let it sink in: Woah, am I in, like… a relationship?

Although I’d been on the dating scene a while and had been monogamous in the past, this was the first time I’d introduced a significant other to my parents. And, it was a really big deal.

Related: What Does Your Boyfriend Look Like?

A few years ago, a guy I was seeing suggested we take a trip out west — where my family was. I brusquely blurted, “Why would we do that?” Although it wasn’t my intention to be rude, I realized I’d hurt his feelings. He thought going home to see my folks would be fun — something that would bring us closer — whereas I just felt like our relationship wasn’t ready for that gigantic step. Suddenly, a sweet suggestion turned into an argument. read more..

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Dear CeCe: How Are Things with Robert?

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I was with Mr. Man the other day, when I got a comment on my instagram account.

I miss your story telling ;-)) on the blog (massive hint on Robert stories, cough cough! ! Lol!!)

I laughed and showed the comment to Robert, who smiled. This was probably the fifth comment I’d shown Robert via twitter/facebook/email, etc. asking how things are with him.

“What are you going to do?” he asked.

“I dunno…” I said,  slipping my leg under his. “In the beginning, there was so much to write about because, there was all this Um… Are We Dating?? tension. Now I’m like happy and stuff, and that seems a bit– I dunno… boring?”

Robert looked at me for a minute… “Why don’t you just tell your girls that you’re happy?”

I swear, he’s a genius. (I have a tendency to overcomplicate things, which is why its nice to date a guy who keeps things simple.) So here’s the deal… I’m happy! Ta-da!

To be honest, I was nervous to mention that things with Mr. Man were going well for a few reasons. 1.) Now that I’m not confused about our status, my connection with Robert is more precious to me 2.) Something I’m learning about strong relationships is that a level of privacy is important. Everybody doesn’t need to know everything 3.) I didn’t want to get all overly gushy on here and be like “oh em gee, I’m dating the best guy evarrrrr!” (that would be annoying) 4.) We’re getting to the point where people think its appropriate to ask when we’re getting engaged and I didn’t want to open myself up to those questions on the blog.

Its funny– when you’re single, people can make you feel awkward about not having someone. Once you have someone, people make you feel awkward about not being engaged/married. Once you’re married the pressure for kids and buying houses begins… it never ends! Seriously, it NEVER ends, I think my parents get asked why they don’t have grandchildren!! *throws hands up*

Plus Size Dating CeCe Robert

Truth be told, there’s some personal work I need to do before I’m anybody’s wife/mother. Also, time together doesn’t mean that a relationship is ready for the (in my eyes) permanent step of getting married. So, there’s some things I need to see in myself and in us as a couple before I start tapping my toes waiting for a ring.

Also, I fully believe in what I said in this post/video, my time as a single girl is something I will never get back and I want to squeeze every last drop out of my solo life before I merge it with anybody. Cause, best believe when I do get married ya’ll will be like what happened to CeCe??

… and I’ll be M.I.A. just… “all up in the kitchen in my heels #DinnerTime”

bey22

 

Anyway, I have a good life and I’m glad Roberts a part of it… I’m glad you girls are a part of it too! In an effort to find balance, I got a extreme and kind of cut you girls out of my dating life and I’ll try not to do that anymore.

xo,

CeCe

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Dear CeCe: I’m Still a Virgin… HELP! #CurvyConvo

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Soooo suddenly, my email inbox is full of letters from Plus Size Princesses who are also riding the “V Train”.  As you may have noticed, dating & relationships is usually what I stick to, but the amount of “Help, I’m still a virgin!” emails I’m getting tells me that we need to talk about this… so I’m going to step out of my comfort zone and answer two letters that I feel all of the virgins can relate to.

Everyone’s view of intimacy is different, and there’s no perfect answer that will fit everyone, so please feel free leave comments and offer guidance to these girls if you have it. I’ve gone into much more detail in the YouTube Video Below:

Letter 1:

Hey, CeCe!

I have a dilemma, a big one. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for four months now. Through advice from you and your blog posts, I was able to actually get over all of my body hangups, and I am able to be vulnerable with him when it comes to my body. My issue is that I am a 23 year oldvirgin,. I (one) never met anyone I felt comfortable getting intimate with before my boyfriend that felt like getting intimate with me back and (two) I have been battling with myself, and my religious beliefs on if I want to stay avirgin until marriage or not.

I have gone back and forth with this, and now that I found a guy I actually love, I’m thinking more and more that I would actually want to do the deed with him. A part of me is hesitant though. I mean, when I’m not a virgin any longer, what am I? I have been virgin Stephanie to all of my friends and family and it’s a part of my identity. I even used to wear it as a badge of honor. But a part of me wants to eventually (giving myself a year together before crossing that line) just share this with my boyfriend, who loves me like…I never thought I could or would be loved. But the other part feels like everyone will judge me, think less of me, and say that I was the girl that gave it up.

I know you may not be able to tell me what to do exactly, but I guess I am looking for advice on what you would do, or anything that could help. (Of course, no pressure from my boyfriend, he’s prepared to wait until marriage). I just know when it’s gone, it’s gone. And that part is terrifying. I don’t want to make a mistake or the wrong choice. 

Thank you for taking the time out to read this, if you ever get the chance. I love your blog and have been an avid reader for years.

Letter #2

Dear CeCe,

I’m a big fan of your blog and the positive and powerful messages you share with your readers. I’ve been one of those readers for over a year now. I’ve gotten so much strength out of your writing, and that’s why today I decided to write you an email out of the state of mind I’m in right now. 

I have had no luck in dating. I’ve had guys taken advantage of my good heart. That’s why when I met this new guy online I was so happy that we talked trough text messages for over a month. He is Muslim and couldn’t meet up, because he was fasting for Ramadan for the past month. He was clear he wanted to meet me after this month and we stayed in contact. Our conversations got longer and longer and even tough I tried to slow things down we both expressed our feelings for each other. There was only one thing I kept a secret from him. The thing is, i’m a 26 year old virgin. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone about this very personal and intimate part of myself. But at some point our conversations gotten too long and I felt I couldn’t keep it a secret. So I told him and he was shocked. Two days after this conversation he told me trough text he changed his mind. He said it was not his task to take my virginity and because i was already 26 i should continue to wait for marriage. The warm man he was earlier became ice cold. What’s the worth of staying a virgin if it feels like a burden?

I was hoping to get some advice or an opinion from you or your readers. Maybe they recognize the situation I’m in? 

Hi Ladies,

First of all, thanks so much for trusting me with such an intimate topic. I’ve made a video addressing both of your letters, but here are some things to think about as you watch:

1.) Why do we value/devalue ourselves based on our “body count”? I often feel like people make you feel awkward about sleeping with zero people and awkward if you’ve slept with lots of people. Is there something else we should be using to define ourselves as women?

2.) I can totally understand having your virginity as part of your identity. If you were raised in the church like me, purity culture is probably ingrained in you from the time you could say “he’s cute!”. Waiting for marriage is such a beautiful choice (a choice you’ll have to make again and again with each relationship, as you’re clearly learning ;-)) but I dont think you should feel like you’re falling off of your pedestal just because you decided to “do the do”

3.) I’m always careful not to put my self esteem in the hands of others. Parents, Pastors, Boyfriends, Girlfriends… none of them have the right to make us feel valued/de-valued based on what we do with our bodies.

4.) If you’re looking to lose your virginity, do your best to make it a shame and guilt free experience. Don’t rush things if you’re not ready. Dont feel bad if you’re more than ready… deep down you know what’s right for you

5.) As PSPs a lot of us struggle with physical intimacy because of our body image issues. That’s okay and perfectly normal. I still think its up to us to learn how to love ourselves in every way before we start introducing other folks into the equation. Perhaps we need to have some… um… solo intimacy times, put John Mayer “Your Body is a Wonderland” on repeat and go exploring!

Got a question for me? Contact me here!

Okay, now for this video where I dive deeper into virginity (and why I think the muslim guy bounced lol)

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Dating: Who Should Affirm Our Beauty?

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One of my recent guilty pleasures is this dating show where the participants meet, naked, on an island, and try to find love (does any of you watch Dating Naked on VH1?). Anyway, in one episode, a female contestant seemed to be hitching her self esteem to the compliments of the naked meathead with whom she was riding horses. “He told me I was beautiful, so that made me beautiful…” she said.

I wanted to throw a pillow at my television screen and yell, “NO! You’re beautiful, period!” The premise of the show is pretty ridiculous in and of itself, but what I found even more outrageous was this woman’s inability to feel beautiful without her guy’s assessment.

And yet, a lot of us are guilty of fishing for compliments or looking to partners for praise. I’m certainly not exempt from this. The fact is, it’s not easy to only look within ourselves to affirm our beauty. I often talk about how confidence is complicated. I know from experience that being confident is a journey, not a destination, and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a tough road. While I try to be self-assured and poised, others’ opinions (men’s especially), have had an impact on how I feel about myself and my appearance.

My dad raised me to believe that I’m beautiful, inside and out — and I’m grateful for that. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay in that protective bubble forever. Growing up, if someone I was crushing on didn’t feel similarly about me, I questioned my attractiveness. But, if a boy asked me to a dance, I could feel my self-esteem sky-rocket. In college, when I was single, I wondered if it had something to do with how I looked. But, when I started dating a guy who told me I was beautiful, well, then it was easy to believe I was.

Eventually, I began to realize: I was doing myself a disservice by allowing the men I did (or didn’t date) determine how I felt about myself. I mean, they call it self esteem for a reason, you know? Wanting to get off this exhausting roller coaster (feeling good about myself one month, lousy the next) I decided to return to what my father had taught me so many years ago: I’m beautiful — period. 

Dating Who Should Affirm Our Beauty

The thing is, I can appreciate the boost I feel when a man compliments my appearance, but it’s far more important that I feel good about myself regardless. I don’t want my positive self-image to be defined by the way a man sees me. I was able to put this idea to the test about a month ago when I decided to take out my hair extensions and rock my short, natural hair (you can watch that process if you’re interested). As I went from hair that fell down my back to a short cut that hits just below my ears, I knew I loved it.

But, although I felt gorgeous and had a spring in my step when I walked out of the salon, I worried that if my boyfriend didn’t like it, my bright mood would dampen. More than that: I knew that I wanted him to be attracted to me with my new ‘do. Still, I also told myself that what mattered most was how I felt about it. And, I meant it. The minute my man saw me, though, I could tell by the look on his face that he loved it. That took me from cloud nine to cloud 10.

And, it hit me: When our partners make us feel beautiful, it’s not a bad thing — as long as we also feel beautiful on our own. It’s kind of like that pair of jeans that makes your @$$ look amazing. Those jeans aren’t magic, but they might just have the power to make you feel hotter than you already know you are.

…Thoughts??? Do you think its our partners job to make us feel beautiful?

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Plus Size Dating Standards | Body Image | Shopping with Friends #CurvyConvo, Live (Episode 2)

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Do you ever think about how upgrades are relative to what we had before? One girl may go from a flip phone to an iPhone 3 and be so hyped she wouldn’t even realize she was missing out on an iPhone 5. Another girl may order an iPhone 5, but get intimidated by all the new things it can do… return it and go back to her flip phone.

Those same things can happen in dating… Sometimes we think we’ve “upgraded” because someone is treating us better than what we’re used to. But if we’re used to being treated poorly, that doesn’t mean much.

On the other hand we may say we want to upgrade, but when it finally happens we get in our own way and can’t adapt. That was me when I first met Mr. Man: I had been whining that I seemed to only attract “flip phone dudes”, but when a “smartphone” type of guy was put in my path, I panicked and couldn’t activate our relationship.

I had a harsh conversation with myself in a post called “I said I deserved the best, but do I believe it?”  and then I pulled it together slowly. I had been praying for a certain type of guy, I had been complaining that I too deserved to be with someone who had the qualities I was looking for… so why was I shocked when he finally came along?

ask for what you deserve

In this weeks #CurvyConvo, Live! we had a good chat about plus size dating standards, body image issues and how to shop with your skinny friends without feeling uncomfy. You can watch the video below… I’m really enjoying talking to you girls live each week, so I’m going to keep it going :-)

The next #CurvyConvo, Live will happen on Monday, August 25th at 9pm Eastern RSVP here!

Also, if you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can submit it at PlusSizePrincess.com/Contact

Special thanks to my girl Amanda for hanging with me… follow her on YouTube: youtube.com/imfashionablylate

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I’d Rather be Lonely than Date a Jerk… Thoughts??

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One of the things that really stuck out to me in last week’s #CurvyConvo question and the comments that followed, is that our girl knew that a man asking her to lose weight before he dated her was a red flag, but she still considered it.

Some girls wondered why she would even think about giving this guy a chance, but I understood where she was coming from. I’ve been there. Being single is hard, craving connection with another person and not getting it can be painful and frustrating.

(related: I’m Single, What am I Doing Wrong?!)

Before I met Mr. Man, I can remember trying to make it work with guys who weren’t good for me, just because I just wanted to have someone in my life. I remember ignoring dating red flags because it just felt good to have Friday night movie plans.

We can know in our minds that we’re worthy of healthy fulfilling relationships, but sometimes in order to avoid lonliness, we settle for just any ‘ol body. Usually those are the dating situations that leave us more emotionally bruised/empty than we were before. (p.s. After making the wrong choice a few times, I can confidently say that I’d rather be lonely than date a jerk).

I'd Rather be lonely than date a Jerk PlusSizePrincess.com

Last night, during our #CurvyConvo, Live we discussed plus size dating, self love, body image and setting standards/keeping them. I’m wondering if maybe we can all commit to doing that? What are your thoughts on lonliness vs. mediocre dating?

The entire chat was 45 mins long and you can watch it here. You can RSVP for the next #CurvyConvo here.

In the meantime here’s a shorter clip on dating “Set Your Standards & Stick to Them”.

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