Why Do we Love Getting Dating Advice from Single Men?

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Question: Why do we love to get dating advice from single men?

Why Do we Love Getting Dating Advice from Single Men.jpg

I feel like we’ve all seen too many episodes of The Bachelor because somehow, we’ve put guys who can’t commit on a pedestal. Suddenly it feels like the dating scene is full of this 25 to 1 ratio of women are clamoring to unlock the hearts of the nearest man and when these men decide they’d rather keep sewing wild oats, we walk around like its our fault. We weren’t “something” enough to make them commit.

In general, it seems like we blame women for being single but we never blame men for not growing up/settling down– why?

A lot of this is happening on the internet, where there is a trend of random single men who love to dish harsh dating advice to women. Mostly saying what women are doing wrong in their dating life. These men say things like “How a woman dresses determines how I’ll treat her!”, “Don’t expect a man to pay for your dates!”, “Only loose women carry condoms!” and then there are those who reminisce publicly about their cheating. Its often posed as a cautionary tale, but I think they just enjoy reliving past conquests.

From what I observe, women eat this advice up. Its constantly being shared and retweeted and I’m not sure why.

I see dating panels and advice columns from of single men, “reformed players”, men who have never been married, men who have caused the break up of their families and then found love agan, etc. and for some reason we have a laundry list of questions for them as if what they have to say is the holy grail of dating advice.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking– aren’t these the very same types of men we’ve all been hurt by?

Men who can’t commit have somehow set things up so that women feel we’re not good enough to lock them down. Instead of thinking, hmmm maybe he needs to grow up and get it together. I refuse to believe that these men have never met a woman who was relationship/marriage material, but for some reason they keep letting those girls get away. But that’s shouldn’t be our problem!

Maybe listening to single men and reformed players makes us feel like we’re getting inside the heads of the men who we couldn’t make it work with in the past, but I’m wondering why we want to figure those men out in the first place.

To me this is like taking a class on how to befriend a bully. If someone is a bully, I have no interest in seeing what makes them tick or what I did to make them treat me badly. Instead, I’d go in search of kind hearted people and befriend them.

When a woman is single and has an opinion on dating we’re quick to shut her down, but some of my best dating advice has come from single women who have been hurt before. I’ve listened to some of the mistakes/missteps they’ve made and have been able to avoid the same heartaches that they endured.

When it comes to relationships, I tend to listen to married women more, but I don’t think we should discount the advice of single women when we’re dating… especially if we’re going to hang on every word that single men say.

…Thoughts???

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  • Darybelle

    This is the honest truth right here and I’m glad someone shed some light on this issue. I mean who cares what these commitment phobic men think anyway. I’m sure and I have seen guys who want relationships and marriage and they don’t have a list of ridiculous demands like single guys who never want to settle down.

    • thebiggirlblog

      Right!!!

  • Michelle

    I hate taking dating advice from men, except from my dad! I really don’t care about changing my behaviors to please a man. So many men have so many different preferences, anyway.

    • CeCe Olisa

      Ha! Yes, Whatever my Dad says gets written down!!!

  • Deni

    I will rarely listen to a man’s advice. Most of the advice comes from former cheaters who are now ready to settle down since they are old and have already taken their poor women through the ringer.

    I agree with you, I listen to married women to learn what to avoid, but honestly just knowing what you want will help that.

    I think it’s a mistake for a woman to ever feel that she can get inside a man’s head. It will never happen. I’ve learned that over time.

    Great article, CeCe.

    • CeCe Olisa

      Thanks Deni! Knowing what you want gets you so much further than attempted mind reading… I agree! xx

  • T.R.

    I kind of think it’s the insecure attracting the insecure. I tend to listen to men AND women who are emotionally mature/honest (or doing work in that direction) whether married or single. I’ve always thought “shouldn’t you take advice from people who have the kind relationships you want, even with yourself”. So all these “single men” who are dishing out advice, there is NO way I’m interested in them. You’ve been married 3, 4, 5 times or not at all and you’re trying to tell someone how to do relationship….Geeeet outta here.

    Actually if you think about it, they AREN’T giving advice on how to have a healthy mature loving relationship but how to “get” them. Which is basically cater to their needs and insecurities. Do we really want an insecure little boy or a grown man who doesn’t just SAY he’s grown but BEHAVES as if he is.

    • CeCe Olisa

      You’re on to something here…

  • http://curvilyfashion.com/ Curvily NYC

    RIGHT? And most of the “advice” is pure sexist garbage. Please GTFOH with that stuff, dudes.

    Although he’s not single, I feel like thrice-married Steve Harvey having the gall to act like a relationship authority is another instance of this misogynist “men know best” attitude.

    • CeCe Olisa

      Yeah, he can have a seat. For sure.

  • amelia

    AMEN! amazing article. love your blog, your style and your no-nonsense approach to dating girl!

  • Cee Jay

    Yes. Women eat this up. My timeline is often filled with shares from Dr. So and So, and this etiquette person, or a buzzfeed-like list of reasons why women aren’t marriage material. I don’t get it. I am over it.

  • A.J.

    As you mentioned, these are the same men who gripe about how women are so fickle and how they can’t find a “good woman” because we all apparently want jerks. But is it that they can’t find a nice woman, or that there have been nice women in front of them (sometimes for years) that they’ve turned down because she wasn’t their “type”, or because of something like her size, which is something that I hear often? These fellas act like they are prizes when they’re not. And they make it harder for the men who don’t share their views and are drying to find that special lady.

  • Peyton

    I think it has something to do with women feeling like they have to be the one to engage the other in a relationship. How many articles do you see in woman’s magazines or online about keeping your man interested? They may not be titled exactly that, but articles like ‘decode what your man is really thinking!” and “35 ways to be the best sex hes ever had!” are all over place. Its like women are being told that THEY have to constantly be the fun, sexy, laid back girl or hes going to go find some who will be that. men aren’t told how to keep women interested. Its also a problem that men aren’t always expected to grow up like women are; holly wood is full of examples of blundering dads that need the parental figure, or mom, to clean up their messes like the man child that they are. Were being told that its OK for men to be sexist, childish and single at a later age because men are children who never grow up, but women are expected to take care of themselves and their man, so if he leaves its essentially their fault for not being the girl HE deserved.