I’m Single… What am I Doing Wrong?! | Plus Size Dating | Love & Relationships

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Dear CeCe,

For some reason I have the worst luck dating. For some reason, EVERY guy that makes a pass at me only wants me a “pillow buddy” or his friend on the side. I feel like I deserve to be the main chick. I dress conservatively, am well educated, am active in my community, work out regularly, have my own money, & keep myself up. Could there be something I have been doing for the past 10 years that has me screwing up my dating life?

P.S. Tried dating online… yea, same deal. All the guys just wanted me as a random hook up. I assure you the pictures I posted werent suggestive. Please help me! -DN

Hi DN,

Thanks for being patient while I gathered my thoughts on your letter. Hopefully some of the other PSP’s will chime in with their advice too!

I really wish I had a magic trick to sift through all the troll-ish men out there, but for me it was really time, staying in the dating game and keeping a diverse social roster that got me dating quality men.

 I do have some thoughts on what to do while you are single/navigating the dating game, so I made you a video response. Do you ever notice that many women who have been married for a while speak wistfully about their single life. Wishing they had done more while they had time/freedom?

Being single was really hard for me. I spent the first few years of my twenties, frustrated because I didn’t have a guy to spend time with. Then when I was like 25, I shifted my thinking and became grateful that I had extra time, love and talents that I could share with others in a variety of ways.

I think I’ve been trying to rush through being single instead of making the most of this portion of my life when my time/money/responsibilities are mine to work with.

Questions that are coming up for me during my single/unmarried time are:

  1. Are there people around me who could use my time/gifts/talent?
  2. What can I do now that I might not be able to do when I’m married or a mom?
  3. Is there something specific I’m supposed to be doing before I meet someone?

I’ve been doing my best to answer those questions and live my life accordingly. From there, my life has taken me to many unexpected places and in a lot of ways, me tapping into that is what attracts Robert to me.

I think you’re on the right track and I definitely don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. My main advice is to not let any of the love in your heart go to waste, there’s someone out there who needs it.

xoxo,

CeCe

p.s. Ladies, do you have any additional advice for DN?

 

Single What Should I do

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  • SandyNYC

    I agree w/ making the most of life while you are single but the truth of he matter is, is that dating is hard in general for women and it’s extra hard for plus size women. Not saying there aren’t men out there that appreciate a full figured women but they are far and few in between.

  • Droid

    Cece, you hit the on the head and this video struck a chord with me. The only difference is I’m pulling up on 30 with no boyfriend. I look at my friends and their marriages and do see how lucky I am to be single and unattached, whether it be with kids, husband, dead end job,etc. and have the opportunity and time help grow as a person and figure out how to help others. Thank you to the person who wrote the letter and to you for answering as honestly and genuinely as you know how!! It’s ironic because my last volunteer opportunity finished Friday and I just signed up for something different that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. Thanks again!!

  • Ileana<3

    Yes! This is so true! I recently got sucked into the “single-girl-blues” which distracted me from being engaged in what’s going on around me. I was focused on what I wanted, like a relationship, and failed to fully appreciate my blessings. I’ve let my endless frustration with dating/relationships steal precious time from being present with the people that love me most (forget that guy who clearly missed a good thing!). I’m learning how to live in the moment and make the most of NOW, which will make LATER even better! Let’s be honest, there’s always going to be something that we’re yearning for, we have to learn to be content where we are!

  • Jay

    Great information! I am currently looking to date and have a lot of catching up to do as I have been focused on career things for most of my life. It is hard and it is discouraging at times, but your words were exactly what I needed to hear. It’s okay to go through what you don’t want in order to get to what you do want (or for me, that which God has for me). I think we are used to working and getting what we want and seeing pretty immediate results so when we strike out in love we get down on ourselves. I like this idea of finding the crazy things you want to do and focusing your energy on making yourself attractive for your mate.

  • Jasmine

    Wow, this is definitely where I am in my life, you helped me as well because I am at the crossroads of loving and hating my single life, it can be so confusing, but your video gave me a different perspective! Thanks!

  • Penny Century

    It can be rough and really disheartening out there in the dating world (especially for plus size ladies), but, Cece, your response was really thoughtful and this was a very inspiring post. Thanks!

  • christioni

    Amazing, amazing, amazing advice. I needed to hear this today. I am going to take this to heart. I wish I had heard it so much earlier and OFTEN. There was this thing on Oprah recently where the person she interviewed mentioned how you attract what you focus on. So you focus on the loneliness part of it, and not any other aspect (and let’s face it most things have multiple aspects) then all you are getting and are going to get is the loneliness out of it. Your advice is in line with hers only you are giving specific examples on how to work on it. Thanks!

  • Dion

    Urgh this is my life right now. I get told that Im so “beautiful” so “charming” and “funny” yet for the life of me I cant get a decent guy to date me OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM! Ive tried the whole “find yourself first” and love will come along…well guess what…Ive tried that and I still get nothing but the riffraff of troll men who sees me as a big breasted conquest! Im so sad about it, and frustrated, I starved myself cause I thought it might be my weight, lost some weight and nothing still lol gained some weight back because Ive been feeling so lonley, its a horrible cycle. It has to be me. Maybe I’m meant to marry Jesus and never get my heartbroken again. Turning 31 and another year single, whoopie :(

  • Dion

    Ok I jsut saw the vid and that has made me feel better. Thanks Cece for taking the time to explain what I feel and being so open and honest about it. You are beautiful inside and out :)

  • sheneeee

    Been there. Beeeeen there…