Friday night, Robert and I were out having drinks with our co-workers after our company holiday party.
I pulled away from the crowd for a few minutes to check my phone. I guess I got lost on twitter or something, because after about 10 minutes I heard Robert calling me from across the bar.
I looked up and he waved me over to where he was sitting on a bar stool. I put my phone away and walked over to where he and a few others were listening to someone from our legal team telling a story about a deal he just closed.
“What’s up, honey?” I whispered.
“Nothing, you were just over there for a while…” he said, touching my hair.
Although we spent the night socializing separately, we had some sort of physical contact anytime we were within arms reach of each other. Me touching his arm or him kissing me as he walked by.
I’m big on PDA (hand holding and a quick kiss here and there works for me, nothing too crazy, I promise!). When we first started dating Robert was not very touchy-feely and it bothered me. Other guys I’d dated had reeled with the perfect PDA (remember Adrian?) so I had to have an awkward conversation with Robert where I told him that our lack of PDA sometimes made me feel disconnected and unwanted. He had never dated someone who saw physical touch as an important relation element outside of the bedroom, so for him this was new but he makes adjustments and that makes me feel better.
At first, I just thought that physical affection was my Love Language but the more I think about it. I’m pretty sure, its also a confidence thing for me too.
Dating as a Plus Size Princess, I always hear the stories about guys who are afraid to be with big girls in public. I think somewhere along the line, PDA became the way I gained confidence that a man wasn’t ashamed of our relationship. Meaning, if he’ll hug/kiss/hold my hand in public then he’s fine with people knowing he’s with me.
If I’m honest with myself 80% of my need for PDA is just how I am… but 20% of it is because I’m a big girl who needs reassurance.
I know for a fact that Robert is happy for people to know we’re together and we’re definitely not a secret at work. But the feeling I got when he initiated PDA in front of our coworkers, was a mix of love, happiness… and validation.
As I work on my own confidence levels, I try to take stock of what confidence boosters are coming from within and which ones are external. PDA is definitely an external confidence booster for me.
How does PDA make YOU feel?