When a Guy Takes His Time…

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“You can come in…” I said, resting my hand on my dresser while I took off my shoes.

Robert smiled nervously leaning against the doorway to my bedroom, mumbling something about my room being so clean he didn’t want to mess anything up. Then he casually wandered back into the living room and waited for me to come out.

We had been hanging out for months and he hadn’t made a single move. I thought he was shy so I created a cute and flirty kicking-off-my-heels-in-my-bedroom moment, complete with a fresh pink pedicure and yet he seemed… uninterested.

If you were visiting this site during the “Um… Are We Dating???” phase of my relationship with Robert, you might remember posts like “He Never Touches Me” and the comments where women expertly told me that if he wasn’t making physical advances, I was delusional for thinking I was anything more than a friend.

During this time I had two girl friends giving me advice (one was married one was single):

Married Friend: He’s taking you out all the time and he hasn’t tried anything yet??? He must REALLY like you!

Single Friend: He’s taking you out all the time and he hasn’t TRIED anything yet??? CeCe, I think you’re in the Friend Zone

When did sexual attraction/desire become synonymous with romantic interest?

Somewhere along the line a guy “making a move” became the only way I knew if he liked me. Then because it was the only way I knew if he liked me, it was the main thing I looked for. Even though I hated that guys were “only after one thing” I was measuring their interest by whether or not they tried to hook up with me.

Then came Robert with his quality time, respect and wanting to get to know me as a person swag. Who would have guessed that his willingness to take his time with our relationship would leave me confused with a bruised ego.

Guys can hook up with anyone… so if you come across a man who doesn’t want to rush things with you, take a minute and open yourself up to courtship (vintage, I know!) instead of asking if maybe he’s gay or has some kind of problem consider the fact that he may be treating you differently because he sees you differently.

Looking back, Robert taking his time with me was a huge compliment and exercise in self control on his part… I’m glad I realized it before writing him off for moving too slow.

Ever had a guy move “too slow”? How did you handle it?

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  • http://mykurves.blogspot.com/ Kurves

    Another great post. I am glad you did not listen to all those professors of Life and listen to your Heart!

  • http://fashionfragile.blogspot.com/ Sonya Mann

    This makes me wonder how many quality men I’ve passed on because I was too impatient. . .

  • Sex and This Suburb

    I’m dealing with this right now. I NEVER thought of things in this way, I cannot thank you enough for the shift in perspective! Wow!

  • Dion

    I was dating this guy, whom I met online, for about a month. He was handsome, dark, I mean all KINDS my type. After about a month or so of dating, my roommats were leaving the house, just as we were pulling up from our 300th date! This NEVER happens, they were ALWAYS home, so I CEASED that moment ya’ll and DRAGGED his behind up the stairs. I’ve hadnt gotten any in so long, and this night, heads were gonna ROLL! As we were doing our thing, about to jump into bed, HE was the one who said “maybe we should stop”. I was so taken a back that I looked at him STUNNED. I thought the same thing you did Cece, “does he like me?”. But I thought HEY of course he does and I PUSHED HIM! We did our thang (amazing btw) and after that it was a regular event!…fast forward about a month. He changed. He wouldnt call me, he wouldnt ask me out, and when we DID finally see each other it was after I dang near BEGGED him to come see me, where he would take me to some hole in the wall resturant. Not the fancy places he took me before. So, of course I blamed myself after. Becuase I feel like he tried to not break my heart by saying “maybe we should stop” and I was so confident with his feelings towards me that I trusted he wouldnt pull the houdini act. I say all this (sorry) to say…listen to Robert, he is a good guy. and I WISH I waited. I love this dude so much, and I lost him because I thought we were ready.

  • The BeYOUty Suite

    After reading this I now wonder if my friend of a long distance friendship for the past 8 years is taking his time with me now that I have relocated near him, not to be with him but open to the idea ♥. I’ve been here now 3 months and we talk daily but haven’t physically seen each other…. Hmmmm I’m confused and concerned but don’t want to be pushy… But how long should I wait…

    • thebiggirlblog

      I dont know your situation, but that sounds a little different. Robert was actively seeing me/spending time with me but he didn’t rush other things in our relationship….

      • The BeYOUty Suite

        He’s not rushing either consistently talks with me daily, often says I’m not going anywhere I’m happy your here…. Etc etc… But as my friend of 8 years I’m wondering all kinds of what if’s…. Mean while in the waiting I’m the short man magnet…Thx for actually replying. :-) I’m Luvin your Blog!

  • nicthommi

    Well, I think it’s great it worked out but there ARE guys who like to keep certain women in limbo like that…I have friends who are NOTORIOUS for always wasting a lot of time with guys that go for months and months and never do anything and they never get closure until he finally gets a girlfriend that he treats like a girlfriend off the bat.
    I think that usually you have to cut those guys loose b/c usually a guy who wants to by your boyfriend will let you know for fear that he might lose you. I just wouldn’t wait around like that for anyone b/c I think it’s too risky to feel that close to someone who might decide to opt out of ever pursuing you. I’d rather cut ties before being emotionally attached.

  • Ify

    I’m dealing with this right now and have been in this dilemma for 2 years. The funny thing is I don’t fool me into thinking I’m in a relationship with him. I lived 300 miles away from him the first 14 months after I met him and then I got transferred by my job to the same city. We became better friends. He attempted touching me once but dear Aunt Flo was in town and I couldn’t tell him so I just said ‘stop’. Ever since, he comes by my place at least once a week. He makes complimentary sexy comments about my derrière so I think he would like to do me. However, I don’t know if he’s battling the rejection or he just doesn’t want anything more. He wants us to start a business together and I fear that partnership because I don’t know how I’d feel if later in life I see him with another. People who knows us separately keep telling me he likes me. If he does, why can’t he just say it? He’s told me about his past relationships, especially how the last girl had cheated on him. I don’t know if he’s expecting me to share my past with him.. A part of me wants to but I feel it’s not for him to hear yet. Whenever I leave town for work or vacation, I sense a little panic in his voice and he always insists on giving me a ride to the airport. He calls me more than ever when I’m out of town. He acts out likeness but I want to hear him say it. I’ve tried not to rush him into saying anything but at this point what’s a pretty plus size diva to do?