“I really admire your confidence…”
“You are so confident girl, yassss!”
“Your confidence is really inspiring….”
These are all kind words. Words that some of you have written to me in emails and tweets, words that have kept me going on my “bad days”… most of the time when someone comments on my confidence, its genuine, positive and I love it. But today as we revisit our confidence is… complicated series, I want to talk about reading between the lines of a Confidence Compliment.
You see, most of us understand the beauty of loving ourselves at any and every size. We know it’s not an easy task, but we work on it and we lift others up as they do the same.
But… I’ve learned that some people look at Plus Size Princesses and just can’t understand how we get out of bed in the morning, let alone put on a cute outfit. They don’t understand how we walk out the door with flawless makeup and werk it on the dance floor. They watch in awe as we draw men (and women) in with our curves without even knowing it.
Because in their minds, if they were a big girl, they’d just die. If they were a big girl they’d either be at the gym working out, or they’d be in bed under the covers hiding. If they were a big girl, no amount of spanx would make them comfortable enough to wear anything other than baggy sweats. And going out to meet new people?? Forget it!
So when they look at us, living full unapologetic lives, consciously or subconsciously they can’t help but comment on it, often in the form of a Confidence Compliment.
I had a friend who regularly gave me Confidence Compliments while freaking out when she gained five pounds. After a while, I began to read between the lines and I figured out that when she said “CeCe you’re so confident” she was really saying “CeCe, if I was as big as you I wouldn’t know WHAT to do”.
Nope, she wouldn’t… and that’s okay!
Have you ever watched interviews with people who have gone through intense tragedy and the reporter tells them “you’re so brave!” its kind of the same thing. Some people admire the confidence we have to show our faces through the tragedy of being overweight.
But here’s the thing– usually when those reporters call survivors brave, they downplay the situation and remind everyone that they’re just living life with the cards they were dealt. That’s how I feel about being a Plus Size Princess.
Waking up, getting dressed in clothes I love and walking out the door without hating myself isn’t “Confidence”. For me its being a normal person.
Then again, maybe it’s not normal. Maybe those backhanded compliments are really saying “I don’t love myself and I’m smaller than you… how do you manage to be a big girl and love yourself ?”
Loving ourselves at any/every size should not be an oddity. Embracing our bodies while putting our best foot forward is something we should all be empowered to do.
Weight is not the definition of who we are.
I want my life to be defined by the love I give… and the first person I’m going to show love to, is me!
P.S. NYC girls, come shop my closet this Wednesday at the #NYCurvyCloset sale (Size 10-28, Everything under $50)