Big Girls are More than Maternal Figures …Thoughts?


Before we jump into todays post, thanks to everyone who is a part of the #PSPfit bootcamp. We’ve got a few walk-in tickets for any girls who want to come workout with us and get the clean eating packet for the week. Join us, Get your $20 tix here.

Now for todays post:

My girl @FeministaJones is a great twitter personality who has a lot going for her, she used to be a lot bigger than she is so its fun to tweet with her about +size problems. Last night she got me all turned up when she called out subtle fat prejudice by tweeting this:


Hopefully you get her humor and see that she’s calling out the people who have Plus Size Princesses in their lives because we’re “safe” and make them feel good about themselves.

Yes, she said it and I echo the sentiment.

For many people, a Plus Size Princess is a safe friend. A PSP is the girl you go out with because it automatically makes you the hot chick. Is it something that’s done on purpose? I’m not sure. But ask any PSP who has lost a significant amount of weight, some of the relationships with their female friends did not survive once they slimmed down. Hmmmm.

My main fascination with this is how people refuse to acknowledge that Plus Size Princesses can have a romantic/sexual life. When I was auditioning for roles in theater, I was constantly cast as the “Mom”, the “Teacher”, the “Aunt”… even if I could sing the part of the girlfriend, my size made it impossible for casting directors to see me as an object of desire.

This type of thinking floods back into the real world and my relationships with my female friends. I am safe. It reminded me of something that happened a few years ago, so I tweeted the story to @FeministaJones:

Am I a trustworthy friend? Sure. Was I attracted to her boyfriend? Absolutely not. But think about it, if I had a Kim Kardashian body, do you think my girl would send her boyfriend to sleep over at my apartment for a few days without her? That request helped me see that for many women I’m very much a non-factor. “Lets see if you can stay with CeCe” is the same to them as “Lets see if you can stay with my Aunt Glenda”.

For many people I’m just this warm maternal figure who will take care of them and anyone around me (this happens to be true I’m a first-born and a Cancer) but to ignore that I’m also a sexual being capable of desire and being desired is to ignore my femininity and my womanhood.

…and there you have it. Thanks @languishlita for making it plain!

Thoughts? Chime in below!

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  • BriBlessed79

    Your comment about auditioning… I once was told, “You have the voice of the girl who would get kissed. But the audience has to believe that boys would WANT to kiss you. Lose thirty pounds and work on “pretty.” I wanted to say, “Well, I can give you a LIST of references!” :) Alas, I knew he was right.

  • Steph Chanel

    Honestly, this is sooooo the truth. I screamed at the “until he tries to slide on in” tweet. So funny!!!

  • Sophie

    Great post.
    I don’t think I’m a “safe, maternal friend” to my besties, but lately I’m finding that when I meet new slim women, I feel like I’m making all this effort to be friendly, but it’s not returned. I’m starting to wonder if it’s because I unnerve them. I am very comfortable and confident in my own skin, and I dress in bold outfits. The bodies we do not value, we fear. Honestly, I think there are a lot of slim women out there who are scared of bold, confident sexy plus size women!

  • Anonymous

    Normally, I don’t comment on such things but I had a friend that I believe this was true of our friendship. I kicked her to the curb. But I noticed that she said some things that rubbed me the wrong way. For one, there was a guy that I thought that was cute that was interested in her and later, interested in me, kind of, maybe, I’m not sure. Anyway, she told me that she couldn’t get with this guy because his family didn’t have the right genetics. She actually said this. I believe that she was talking about looks and weight. Though he was a light-skinned black man, tall and skinny and cute like Obama (I think Obama is cute but not attracted to him or Will Smith. You get me?) but his family wasn’t.

    Mind you, a mutual friend of ours, who is tall, skinny and attractive (not mutually exclusive) dated a guy that she used to talk to, and she had no problem with it. Then, another mutual friend of ours had a party, there was a guy there. My ex-friend has a family that’s hung up on skin color (yes, it happens even in 2013) and don’t want to see their light-skinned black daughter with anyone darker than a paper bag, yes, she actually told me this and I convinced myself that even though I was barely acceptable (I’m the color of a paper bag) and even though I was fat, I was acceptable because I’m kind of pretty and well-educated with a college degree. At the party, there was a dark-skinned black guy who flirted with me. I was there to have a good time and I thought since he was cute and wasn’t her type, she wouldn’t mind. Needless to say, some things were said that reminded me of my “place.” I’m a size 26/28 and she’s a size four. It was hard for her to fathom that a guy could actually flirt with me and not her. Needless to say, it wasn’t long after that I told her that the friendship was over but what hurt the most, was that she didn’t even try to mend the friendship. CeCe, I totally know what you are going through. You need to kick that friend to the curb. Though, I’m lonely at times, at least I have my dignity and respect back.

  • @ LuvLiveLearnLOL

    Safe friend material makes me laugh…

    Trust be surprised by how many guys will sleep w/a PSP…
    and I have an personal story to prove it…..
    But reminds me of convo a friend and myself had… she is on the smaller side of PSP.. but i was telling her that this girl didnt push her BF off when they were dancing cause she didnt see my friend as a threat. But she did push another “normal” size girl from off the BF. Hmph but whatevs … ::skips off laughing::

  • BrooklynShoeBabe

    My friends, back in our hanging out days, never treated me as the D.U.F.F. but any guys that approached us definitely did treat me that way. You could always see that look in their eyes. Especially if it was the guy who was chosen to “distract” me while he chatted up my friend. I hate

    • thebiggirlblog

      Wait– what’s DUFF?

      • JayFay

        Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

        • thebiggirlblog


      • NikkiInch

        Pretty sure it’s something like “Designated Ugly Fat Friend.”

  • Bethany

    Good for you, CeCe! I have been reading your blog for a long time and it has been an absolute delight watching you grow and learn about the world. You and I are about the same age (and size!), so it’s great when we have these epiphanies together.

    But yes, other women can be the worst and not even realize it. I’m in professional school, so many of my women acquaintances (and even friends) only know me in a work setting. When we eventually get to the stage of going out together, I always end up hearing something like this “Dang! You’ve got game! Those men were all over you!” I know they don’t mean it to be offensive, but I doubt they’d say it if I were thin. So, I respond with a smile and say “Well, yeah. Look at me. I’m gorgeous!”


    Just putting it out there, I would have my BF stay with any and all of my friends. That’s why they are my friends. If I had anything to be “afraid” of, then they wouldn’t be my friends and he wouldn’t be my boyfriend.

  • suzy

    I really don’t want to say something on it….but anyway nice post………..

  • Olivia

    I actually have a roommate/friend like this. I didn’t notice it until I went out with her once to a restaurant. We were having a conversation about a song that was playing on the radio when the guy at the table next to us said something to us. My roomie then responded by announcing to the whole restaurant that sorry she can’t leave her friend. it was evident she didn’t hear what he actually said… The guy overheard our convo and was responding to me because I was wondering what the name of the song that was playing .The second thing was she just simply assumed that the guy was trying to flirt and that he was flirting with HER. In the back of her mind the guy could have never been interested in me because im the fat friend so it must have been her. I might have been so embarrassed by her announcement to the whole restaurant but the fact that she embarrassed herself by jumping to the wrong conclusion . It did give me some pleasure to clear up to her just as loudly tht he wasn’t asking her out.