“I really want to make things work with her,” a male acquaintance of mine said during a birthday dinner. “Part of me wonders if I’m determined to make things work because I worked so hard to get her. I mean, I really chased her in the beginning.” He took a sip of his drink and I waited patiently for him to continue.
Its not often that I get to listen to a straight guy analyze his relationship, so I was all ears! (I won’t detail this guys relationship issues, but he’s got some very legit reasons why he’s working things out with his girl.) Anyway, he explained to me that he used his best “game” to get his girlfriend years ago. He had wined her and dined her and won her over, so even though things weren’t perfect now, the memories of what he had done to get her when they first met helped him to hold on now.
Of course as he spoke, my mind drifted to my relationship with Robert.
Robert and I were “just friends” for a very long time. The elements of a romantic relationship were always there, but no lines were crossed, ever. Those of you who have been with me through the whole “Um… Are We Dating?” story on this blog have watched the progression of CeCe & Robert from coworkers, to friendship to dating unfold. You also know how other guys treated me and I think in those other relationships (particularly with Kevin and Adrian) there was a stronger “chase” element.
Hmmm… I thought to myself, Robert didn’t really “chase” me… we just spent time together, became friends and things developed over time. Should I have made him work harder to “get me”? Do guys really need “the chase” to be fully vested in a relationship?
My male acquaintance continued to talk through his relationship issues. “But you know,” he continued “Because I spent so much time chasing her, we never became friends. We’re trying to build a solid friendship now, but its hard to go backwards. If I had come at things differently from the start, learned about her… what she likes… what she doesn’t like… and then seen where things went– I think our relationship now would be much better now.”
Whoa, I couldn’t help but smile, what he described is pretty much how things unfolded with Robert and me. By the time Robert and I went on our first date, he knew so much about me. And the more time we spend together, the more he learns. There is a comfort level that we have that didn’t exist with the guys that chased me, but maybe that’s not a bad thing.
It might not be as overt as when guys run game, but I see Robert work to impress me and make me happy and I appreciate it. When it comes to courtship, I think that being friends first has its pros and cons. But in relationships I’m starting to think that the friendship foundation is key.
At the end of the day, the guys who “put in work to get me” aren’t around anymore… and Mr. “Friends First”, Robert is still here, so maybe that’s my answer… time will tell.
Do YOU believe in being friends first?