He chose a loud bar and I was really confused about that…how can you get to know someone there? We could barely hear each other over the music. He also kept running into people he knew and didn’t introduce me once.
We decided to keep the date going and headed to another bar. On the way there, we were talking about mary jane (don’t judge me!). I think he thought that I wanted to get high. He started driving past our destination and to his house. He didn’t try anything sexual but I know he wanted to. He blew shotguns in my mouth (pressing his lips against mine) and wanted me to “relax.” I think he got irritated that I didn’t chill out…he drove me somewhere far away, why would I be chill?
I saw him a few weeks ago when I was back in our town. He sacrificed his time and saw me before going to work (which I thought was sweet). I haven’t heard from him in about two weeks. We really don’t text like we did in the beginning. I thought that after our second meeting, we’d change that. He seemed really into me. Now I don’t know.
Do you guys think he’s interested? Does he want me to chase him since he made much of the effort first? Or was he just playing me?
First off, we’re breaking some major online dating rules here. No judgement on the Mary Jane, but going to a mans house on a first date? That you met online? and then getting high? That’s risky behavior. The minute he passed the venue where he was supposed to take you, you should have said something.
Sometimes when we’re on dates trying to make a good impression, we don’t want to be assertive. I TOTALLY get that but if you’re the type of person who doesn’t feel comfortable saying “hey, turn the car around so we can go where we agreed” I’d suggest you drive your own car on dates, this way you are in control of where you end up. I just want you to be safe, cool?
Okay, now on to your questions about if he’s playing you… Men are pretty straight forward. On your first date, this guy took you to a loud bar where you couldn’t really talk/get to know each other. Then he took you to his place, tried to get you to “relax” and sexualized your smoking with shotgunning (which sounds like kissing from what you described). Then he didn’t attempt to see you again… until you sexted him.
Because he’s been the same from the beginning, I don’t think he’s trying to play you. To me it sounds like this guy is looking for something casual.
Now, you didn’t ask my opinion on this but dating as a virgin can be complicated, so I thought I’d mention a few things on that subject:
-Telling guys that you’re a virgin right away can sometimes make them see you as a challenge, so they’ll stick around to see how far they can get with you. Sometimes its best to disclose that information after a few dates once you know how interested in YOU a guy really is.
-Try your best not to send mixed signals. I think its perfectly okay to be a sexual person and a virgin at the same time, but sexting a stranger and making them think you want sex when you don’t can confuse things. Its probably best to only play around like that once a guy knows you’re a virgin/knows your limits.
-Whether you’re waiting for marriage, waiting for love or just being celibate for a while, eliminating sex is a great way to date with clarity. Good sex often keeps people in bad situations longer than necessary, so use your sexless lifestyle to your advantage as much as possible.
P.S. I’ll be doing a Curvy Conversations event/meet-up in NYC on September 29th… save the date!