Maybe We Should Shake Hands First?

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When I got a message from Roland online (before I met Robert), I was stoked because he was a cutie! Roland was 6’4, 2 years out of the Navy super sweet and very complimentary of me. We’d spent an evening exchanging messages online and he made it very clear that he was looking for a relationship which made me warm up to him even more.

After messaging back and forth for about 2 hours, he asked for my phone number. We then began texting and the next evening he called for our first phone conversation. After speaking to him for a while, I decided that he seemed cool and I’d be down to meet him for a date if he asked.

Just as he began to ask what my plans were for the weekend, my Dad called me on the other line. No one comes before my family, so I quickly told Roland I’d call him back in a few minutes. 30 minutes later, I was done chatting with my Dad so I dialed Roland’s number to continue our chat.

“Hey, I was just about to text you,” he said when he answered the phone.

“Oh, what were you going to say?” I asked casually.

“I was just gonna say… ‘I wonder what your tongue tastes like’”

I paused, sure that I’d heard him wrong. “Wait– what were you going to say?” I asked again.

“I wonder what your tongue tastes like…”

Before I finish this story, what would YOU say to something like that? (select your answer below)

How Would You Respond?


pollcode.com free polls 

I never understand why guys think that getting super sexual, super fast is a good move. I’m no idiot, I know that as a man you’re as interested in me physically as much as anything else. But throwing it in my face before we’ve even met is a total turn-off (for me at least). I don’t find overt sexual comments cute or funny, especially if you’re saying you want something long-term.

If we haven’t shaken hands yet, we should probably keep tongue tasting queries to ourselves… don’t you think?

Anyway, after I digested that he really had asked what my tongue tasted like, I took a deep breath and said “I really wish you hadn’t said that,”. I expected him to ask why, so I could explain. But instead he said “oh” and hung up on me.

Yes.

He. Hung. Up. On. Me.

*sigh*

Do YOU like it when guys make sexual comments right away? Chime in below….

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  • Chantal

    I cannot count how many times I have simply blocked people on dating sites or abruptly stopped texting or hung up on…even for something seemingly as harmless as calling me sexy…you have never met me…how can you say something like that to me? Especially since as a fluffygirl its possible that when you do meet me-we may never see each other again cause I won’t be quite what you’re looking for-or should I say ‘more’ than what you’re looking for…I think you have to earn that right.

    I have to say though that I find it sad that according to your poll the highest percent went to women who would giggle and essentially go with it…(yes the hang ups and I wish you hadnts combined were greater…) I just wish more…maybe all of us…would demand/command more respect (not necessarily with words) for ourselves

    • Anonymous

      *sigh* I too get really uncomfortable with the “you’re so sexy” talk. Guys think that’s the ultimate compliment, but for me its not. Sexiness does not sustain relationships… but I guess the guys calling us sexy aren’t really looking for that are they? lol

    • Anonymous

      I answered “giggle and say ‘oh really?'” because I know myself, and I get nervous with strangers and that makes me extremely giggly even if I don’t find anything funny. BUT. I would no longer contact that dude. Cuz ew gross. I’m just not particularly confrontational. But I’m glad all you other girls are out there giving people the business!

      This is a huge issue though! When did this gross talk become a part of the player handbook?? It sucks so much, because it’s clear you don’t wanna get to know me. I’m all for a random hook-up, but if we are just talking on the phone, I don’t want you whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I’m probably the fifth girl that got that line that day. AND it shows you’re very uninteresting if sexual is your default.

  • Alexmswann

    no cuz they really dont wanna GET TO KNOW u……

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog The Big Girl Blog

      exactly….

  • http://austinstf.tumblr.com slavetofashion

    I applaud you for sticking up for yourself and saying that you did not appreciate that kind of talk. I hate when guys do that! I’ve quit talking to a number of guys because they started in with the dirty talk way too soon. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for dirrty talk…… when we know each other and are actually dating. What a creeper……

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog The Big Girl Blog

      I’m with you on that… and I know if I indulged him we’d never have had a “real” conversation ever again. *shakes head*

      • Jeni Marisello

        it’s true, if you entertain that kind of talk just once… that without fail EVERY other conversation you have will turn back this ugly way… Never have , as you say, a “real” conversation again!!

  • brodymane17

    Yes you did the right thing. You want a guy to get to know what’s between your ears before they get between your legs. It’s clear that he liked the way you looked because he wrote you, but it doesn’t have to be outwardly sexual talk so early in the game. I’m just mad he hung up on u. What a loser.

    • Mslol1922

      I posted this from my phone, but im goldhoneebee from Twitter

      • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog The Big Girl Blog

        Hey Miss! Thanks for the feedback, we has a mess and yeah. I was shocked when he hung up on me. But he’s clearly a bum lol

  • JaVonna Thomas

    I find that because I am a fabulously, fluffed woman, I am often approached that way. It’s as if being plus-sized makes me a desperate slut. I find it to be a huge turn off to be approached that way. I am very selective about who I talk to about or give my goodies to so for you to be so presumptuous as to think otherwise means you are cut off; INSTANTLY!

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog The Big Girl Blog

      Yup– you’re right… some guys think PSP’s will take anything. That’s NOT the case… xoxo

  • Jazzeme

    Hell no… Guys are funny.?.?.? And not in funny”ha..ha..” way just think if u had said that to him he’d think you were a slut either he’d pursue you to see how far you’d let him take it or he’d be completely weirded out… But your response was spot on!!! I had a similar experience and the message read “slurp”… So i didn’t respond and he could see i was still online so he sent “I want to be the meat in your big girl sandwich your thighs the bread and my face as the meat”. So i ignored him again and i guess this pissed him off and the next message read “So your not going to respond I’m saying you have a pretty face but your fat and should glad i want to let you sit on my face”. At this point it was clear he wanted a response!!! Im from the south side of Chicago so i had to to read him his rights ” look you fucking creep im not that kind of girl and my size has never stopped me from getting a date or getting laid… So do like your father should have done with you and put it in a napkin Bitch!!!…. I only included Bitch because im so sick of the “your so pretty but”so to him any anyone that feels that way can kiss my ASS! Plus size doesn’t equal esperate !! I wear every pound llof me well

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog The Big Girl Blog

      YES!!! You better “read him his rights” OMG, I love that… The whole myth of big girls being desperate is soooo played out!!! I wish dudes would realize that we’re not at home crying over our weight. We are living life and loving it ;-)

      xoxo

  • Vanessa

    I’m still waiting for the guy that doesn’t do this within the first two dates and can still hold my attention. Why must guys think creepy sexual innuendos are ok right off the bat!?!?

  • Mskay00

    Eh, it doesn’t bother me. But I get that it might bother other folks. Hanging up on someone is really immature, bullet dodged.

  • Jeni Marisello

    I hate when guys make sexual comments right away!! It let me know that sex is not only the 1st thing on their mind but the only thing. I know that being phyically connected to someone is important, but there is so many other acpects of a realationship that is just as important and has nothing to do with sex. If i was looking for just sex i wouldnt be looking in the “long-term relationship” groups. it’s right up with the guy confessing his love for you on the 1st phone call.. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!?

  • Mohauster

    I was going to rant and rave abt creeps and the way they treat plus size ladies. But I realised you know a creep is a creep. I guess as a plus size girl I have a quicker method of sifting him out than my slimmer friends. i.e the guy who detests big girls, shame his poor wife who will one day gain weight as part of natural life. The creep who says lewd things: At least he is honest with me abt what he thinks. Guys like just make me say: thank goodness I dodged you. No point in cursing or getting angry over them :)

    • Anonymous

      Good attitude and yes, as Plus Size Princesses we dodge MANY bullets! lol *whew*

  • Hugh

    It sucks but better he reveled his true colors then, before you even met than down the road when maybe you would have gotten to know him and like him. Hang in there CeCe, better luck next time.

  • http://nikkeedee2001.wordpress.com/ Nic D.

    I do online dating. Sadly, most men, even those who say they are looking for a relationship, start early in the conversation with comments like this. When I say I would rather not go there yet, we haven’t even met, they say ok, change the topic for 5 mins then start over. I don’t get it. I wish that the internet didn’t make everyone so forward sometimes. I really would rather get to know a man gradually if I think he has the potential for something more.

    • Anonymous

      OMG I’ve experienced that soooo many times. The dirty talk cycle! Augh. Women are not dumb!

  • Gcstovall

    Seriously? What a fucking prick. You did exactly what you should have done. It shows everyone, (including him) that you are a good person and you deserve respect. And that kind of talk before a first date? What an idiot.

  • Preeti Balwani

    NOOOOO! You are sooo right about this and I haven’t figured out why either!

  • Missmeandi

    If a guy starts off saying that he wants a long term relationship, but then back door and starts off talking abt sexual stuff before we meet, I make sure that there’s no meet. That’s no where near appropriate conversation for wanting a long term relationship before we’ve even laid eyes on each other in person.

  • http://anotherlovefool.wordpress.com/ Kat Karn

    Totally agree with you! It must be a relief to know that you are not the only thinking guys are bonkers for thinking that becoming super sexual fast is totally OK. I guess some girls do like it.

    At the same time, it goes to show how much our impressions of other people are influenced by what they say – hearing that he was looking for a relationship “made you warm up to him”, whilst when he showed his true intentions to you with his “tongue queries” (love that expression!), you were immediately turned off. Amazing how fast we can be affected by words like that!

  • Belatedbloomer

    NO WAY. I’d probably hang up on him…instinctively.

    http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com

  • Bkdean08

    I hate it! I ABSOLUTELY hate it. Do they think that’s the way to my heart. “Oh i so wanna do you right now” is the polar opposite of romantic. Quick question about this: Does this ever happen to our less squishy friends? Also, does this only come with online dating? I’ve always wondered this because all I do is online date, and I’ve never heard of any of my friends having this problem. This and getting pictures sent of peni. I don’t want to see your dick before I’ve seen your face, not attractive or appealing. Is it just me of does this only happen to those of us blessed with squishiness?

  • Sheena

    about 3 months ago, I had found a guy online who not only seemed great, but was really cute! I sent him a very safe, and basic message just stating that his profile seemed interesting and that I would like to chat online to get to know one another. (keep in mind my profile strictly stating I WASN’T looking for a casual hookup). He then messaged me back asking “do you wanna meet up tonight, where do you live?’
    I assumed since it was his very first message to me that he was having opposing intentions. because would a decent guy who was also looking for a legit potential relationship ask where I lived without even getting to talk to me at all? so I replied just saying “I apologize if you gathered the wrong impression from my profile, but I’m on here looking for a possible relationship. I’m not the kind of girl for casual hook ups.”
    he then responded by telling my I was a terrible person for assuming such a thing and that girls like me are the reason why good guys like him cant find love. and basically that he honestly intended on taking me out on a date that night to get to know me more. then he blocked me. like I was going to stalk him or something. really??? I just told myself that someone who would resort to a tantrum like that over misunderstanding probably has severe anger management issues. and that if he wasn’t smart enough to realize that I was trying to SAFELY date online, then he wasn’t for me. And I am better off. (which is a shame because he was really cute lol)

  • Taryn

    I am soooo glad I am not the only one who feels this way. When I first started online dateing I just put up with it for awhile, even tho it was a huge turn off for me but now anytime he says anything sexual I cut it off instantly!