It was the middle of summer 2010 and I was having a Pretty Day, one of those days where I just felt… pretty. I’d just had my hair done. I took a little extra time on my makeup before I met up with friends for brunch. I had on a bright yellow sundress and guys on the street were smiling and nodding at me as I walked by. My friends even mentioned that I was looking slimmer and after brunch, I ran to the bookstore and a guy in the non-fiction section asked for my number. I felt unstoppable!
On my way home, I got a text message from J.R., a guy I had been talking to online. J.R.’s profile said he was new to online dating, his photos weren’t very flattering, and he was constantly asking me for “more pics” which I can’t stand. To top it off, we had dinner plans the week before and he cancelled at the last minute claiming he was in a car accident and needed to go the the police station.
All of those things had my intuition on overdrive saying to leave him alone. The thing that kept me intrigued was that he had just graduated with his PhD. from NYU, I know that nerd/braniac guys sometimes come off better in person, so when he sent a text saying: Would you like to meet for a drink? I went against my instincts and decided to give him a chance. Besides, I was having a Pretty Day and I figured an impromtu date could only make my day better.
Boy, was I wrong.
Walking into the bar, I was immediately disappointed. J.R. was slumped down in a barstool wearing a wrinkled shirt and jeans; overall he looked pretty sloppy. He didn’t move. He didn’t stand up to greet me. He didn’t introduce himself. He didn’t motion for me to sit down. He just stared at me with this pinched expression that give him three chins. So I stared back at him.
“Are you gonna sit?” he said.
“I don’t know, I was waiting for you to be a gentleman and stand up to greet me… and maybe say ‘nice to meet you’?” I replied sarcastically.
“I would, but um… I hurt my hip yesterday,” he said.
Was this guy for real? I wanted to turn on my heel and walk out of the bar, but my manners kept me from leaving. I figured I could sit through one drink with him and then go home. I pulled up a chair next to him. He was on his phone texting with that same triple-chin expression on his face, so I just sat there quietly waiting for him to offer me a drink.
I’ve been on more first dates than I can count and this was not the way things were supposed to go. I began plotting a polite escape when J.R.’s phone rang. “Excuse me,” he said pointing to the phone as he stepped outside. I quickly dialed my girlfriends number and explained the situation to her. “You need to get out of there ASAP!” she warned.
“Okay okay!” I hissed into the phone, “I feel bad, but when he comes back I’m just going to tell him that I have to leave,” just as I hung up the phone with her I got a text from him.
Now I see why you wouldn’t send me more pics, ur not cute at all and you’re huge! BYE!
I stared at my phone in shock. I could feel the heat rising to my face… I was angry. Not angry because of what he said but angry because I had spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how to let this guy down easy and he hadn’t given the same consideration to me.
And to top it all off, he’d ruined my Pretty Day!
His hurtful words echoed in my head as I sat at the bar alone. After a full day of affirmations from myself, my friends and random guys in bookstores; it was all stripped from me in a single text message. I pulled my bag off the back of the barstool and walked out of the bar.
As I made my way back to the train station, I began to think about rejection. As Plus Size Princesses, we walk around with this constant fear of rejection because of our weight. But rejection is a part of life. The fact is that everything isn’t for everybody and even though I went through an entire day feeling like I was the Prettiest Princess in all of NYC, there was a man who wasn’t feeling me, and that’s okay.
Was J.R. a jerk about it? Sure, but if I had listened to my instincts and left him alone from the beginning I wouldn’t have exposed myself to his awful behavior.
For every guy who approaches me, there are a million who don’t. Rejection happens everyday and if I’m going to keep living my life to the fullest I might as well get used to it and get over it.
I was rejected and I lived to tell the tale.
After deleting J.R.’s number from my phone, I decided to walk home. About five blocks from my apartment a man passed me and said “Good Evening, beautiful”.
I guess my Pretty Day wasn’t over after all….