Should I Date Someone From My Job?

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Dear Cece,

I found your blog about 6 months ago and always look forward to reading about your adventures in life, love, and style!

A question for you: do you and Robert still work together?

I’ve been hanging out a bit with a man from work (we actually went out last Saturday with 2 of his friends and we’ve done other things together as well) and am just not sure if it’s such a wise idea for me to become involved romantically with someone at the office.

I really like seeing him throughout the week and our interactions at work are pretty much the best part of my day.We IM all day (half for work purposes), he’s in my cubicle constantly, we have lunch together most days–we’re basically inseparable during working hours. But I worry about saying something that I can’t take back and then having to face him and work with him every day.

Is it smart to get attached to a work mate? I’m just not sure….PSP in MKE

Dear PSP in MKE,

Yes, Robert and I still work together and my interactions with him are the best part of my day, so I know how you feel!

This is my first office romance, so… although I’m not an expert, I’ll give you a few things to consider:

  1. Do you work in the same department? If so, the first thing you should do is (discreetly) find out what your companies policy is on these things. From what I understand, its usually not a problem unless one of you reports directly to the other. While Robert and I work for the same company, we work in different departments, so we’re in the clear!
  2. Can you handle it? I know it seems like a silly question, but dating someone at your job means there is ZERO separation. When I’m frustrated with Robert for something that happened on Tuesday night, I don’t get to go to work on Wednesday morning and forget about him for a while, because… he’s there!
  3. Can your coworkers handle it? As much as you try to hide it, people will find out that you’re dating a coworker. Even if your company doesn’t have a problem with it, people love juicy gossip and an office romance is the juiciest of the juicy. My coworkers can be quite obnoxious with their interest in Robert and me. Although we’ve never confirmed that we’re dating, they love to do everything short of making “kissy faces” when they see us together. Robert never cared, but it used to really bother me. Eventually I had to accept the fact that people are nosy by nature and that will never change. Now I just take it in stride and keep my focus on Robert and what we have.
  4. Is he/she worth it? When things get messy at work it makes it uncomfortable for everyone involved. This might sound blunt, but if you feel things turning into a sex thing, or a fling I’d advise that you look somewhere else for a booty call. But if you feel like this could really “be something”, go for it!
  5. What will you do if it ends? We all enter every relationship hoping that it will last forever, but when dating coworkers, you really need to ask yourself if you could handle seeing your ex for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. If Robert and I stopped seeing each other, the hardest part for me would be our “habits”. He waits for me everyday after work, we have lunch together 3-4 days a week. If those things stopped happening, my work days would be pretty gloomy! But hopefully, I’ll never know what that’s like *fingers crossed*
Anyway, I hope that helps. It sounds to me like you and your work friend are taking things slow and that’s the best way to enter a relationship in my opinion. Keep your eyes open and continue to build your friendship. Everything else will fall into place… it did for me!
xoxo,
CeCe
CeCe@thebiggirlblog.com
P.S. Has anyone else done an office romance? If so, leave your advice for our PSP in MKE below!
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  • http://www.justmewith.com Roxanne

    As an expert in employment law, I say check the policy. You may have to keep it secret, even from co-workers, and somebody might have to change departments.

  • Doll

    wow, i never knew you and robert worked together Cece. You had managed to hoard that piece of information. LOL

    Well, my boo and i work together, it is sorta awkward cuz the whole office knows and sometimes butt in, but i’v gotten used to it and it doesn’t bother me again.

    For my office, it is against policy to be married, but dating is not frowned upon, but it just means now that the relationship is heating up that oneof us may have to leave.

    Dealing with his ex flings – my boo had flings with two girls in the office previously, it kinda makes it hard for me, like we are having lunch together and one of them walks in, its still sorta awkward, you might want to research is romantic history in the office first.

    If you break up. i guess this is the hardest part. but think about how you would deal with this in the future should it happen.

    That said, office romance is really really sweet

  • Twelve Inch Finch

    I have dated someone I worked with and it was a disaster but I should have seen it coming. I think this is usually the case with office romances because people usually ignore one of the questions you asked (in my case it was “Is He/She Worth It?”). I also made the mistake of assuming that because I knew I could handle it if things didn’t work out that she could do the same and that was not the case as she suddenly took a promotion that had been offered to her months before just so she could be in a position to fire me. I learned many valuable lessons but I loved that job and it was a tough way to learn them, this is why I usually tell anyone considering it to steer clear of dating co-workers.

  • http://www.curvilicious.com Mary Anne

    My husband and I met at a small, family owned business and started dating about 1 month after we met. Everyone at the office knew about it and they were fine. We were both very professional and none of our dating life ever got taken to the job. We were married a year later – still working for the same company – and all of our bosses and co-workers came to the wedding. We continued to work together at that company for a total of 8 years. We just celebrated our 20th anniversary. He is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I to him.