By the time Adrian and I sat down to dinner, I’d calmed down a bit. His news was rough, but my pouting wasn’t going to change anything and he was leaving in less than 24 hours. As we sat across from each other we were very quiet… it was almost as if there was too much to say, so we said nothing.
I tried to treat the evening like any other date, instead of “our last night together” and that helped. By the time our food came, we’d been able to laugh and make jokes while he explained the project he would be working on.
“Are there going to be other American girls there?” I asked.
“I doubt it… its mostly men. Why? Are you worried?” he asked with a grin.
I could feel my cheeks getting hot with embarrassment, “I mean– not really, I was just wondering…”
We ate in silence for a few moments.
“Well, I’m worried,” Adrian said, between bites. “You’re so pretty, who knows what could happen in the month I’m gone.”
I laughed, “flattery will get you everywhere!” I joked.
“I’m serious,” he continued, “I would love to ask you not to see other people while I’m gone, but I know I don’t really have the right to do that.”
“Yeah, its hard,” I said, stunned.
Adrian bringing up exclusivity was flattering, on the other hand it felt like a cruel joke. This was exactly what I’ve been wanting, but as much as I liked Adrian, I couldn’t jump into a relationship under these circumstances. I loved that he wanted that from me, but the timing felt wrong.
That’s when I realized why I was so upset. I’ve been fighting so hard to get out of the grey with Robert and now I feel like I’m in a completely different grey area with Adrian. As direct as Adrian is about his feelings towards me, I’m going to have to wait until he’s back to see if a relationship will grow.
Once I realized what was upsetting me, I was able to stay in the moment with Adrian. We had a great dinner and sat on my steps eating ice-cream and kissing until 3am, then I sent him home to pack and crossed my fingers that I’d hear from him again.