Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop (Part Two)

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By the time Adrian and I sat down to dinner, I’d calmed down a bit. His news was rough, but my pouting wasn’t going to change anything and he was leaving in less than 24 hours. As we sat across from each other we were very quiet… it was almost as if there was too much to say, so we said nothing.

I tried to treat the evening like any other date, instead of “our last night together” and that helped. By the time our food came, we’d been able to laugh and make jokes while he explained the project he would be working on.

“Are there going to be other American girls there?” I asked.

“I doubt it… its mostly men. Why? Are you worried?” he asked with a grin.

I could feel my cheeks getting hot with embarrassment, “I mean– not really, I was just wondering…”

We ate in silence for a few moments.

“Well, I’m worried,” Adrian said, between bites. “You’re so pretty, who knows what could happen in the month I’m gone.”

I laughed, “flattery will get you everywhere!” I joked.

“I’m serious,” he continued, “I would love to ask you not to see other people while I’m gone, but I know I don’t really have the right to do that.”

“Yeah, its hard,” I said, stunned.

Adrian bringing up exclusivity was flattering, on the other hand it felt like a cruel joke. This was exactly what I’ve been wanting, but as much as I liked Adrian, I couldn’t jump into a relationship under these circumstances. I loved that he wanted that from me, but the timing felt wrong.

That’s when I realized why I was so upset. I’ve been fighting so hard to get out of the grey with Robert and now I feel like I’m in a completely different grey area with Adrian. As direct as Adrian is about his feelings towards me, I’m going to have to wait until he’s back to see if a relationship will grow.

Once I realized what was upsetting me, I was able to stay in the moment with Adrian. We had a great dinner and sat on my steps eating ice-cream and kissing until 3am, then I sent him home to pack and crossed my fingers that I’d hear from him again.

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  • Anonymous

    Its funny to see how America woman view other American woman as threats. They are the last thing any woman needs to worry about.
    And I know I am going to get a flurry of comments about this.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11535284054603002882 janelle

    @anonymous,
    idk if it's an american thing,
    or a female thing,
    where we project our lack of trust with men
    onto other women.

    oh,
    cece.
    i just wanna hug you!
    i'm glad you allowed yourself to enjoy your night with him,
    but your realizations were so true.
    from one grey area to another.
    for better or for worse,
    life always happens as it should. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12710260504687418610 Kristin

    Ummm….ok. I think you need to take a good HARD look at what you really want. Because this is my assessment:

    You are making WAY too big of a deal about ONE month. Seriously? It's a month.

    Is he not going to be able to use a computer or telephone? Is there something we are missing? Sometimes ESPECIALLY at the beginning of a relationship, being away can be SUCHHHHH a good thing! You would have a month to get to know him on an emotional level instead of a physical one. It forces you to really get to know the person and if you are right for each other, you will develop a strong bond from that! It's NOT a bad thing!

    He was basically asking for you to be exclusive or boyfriend/ girlfriend and I feel like you totally blew it off!

    So! I'm wondering, are YOU really that into Adrian? If so, what the hell are you so scared of? I'm sorry but I feel like I've got to knock some sense into you. Bc you just went ON AND ON about grey area with Robert and now someone wants to NOT be in grey area and you aren't taking it seriously!

    soooo…..what exactly DO you want?!!?!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06216454484228360533 Jeniese

    Arghhh! I understand how frustrating this could be to you. I am rooting for you and Adrian!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08118166101258845293 Kemi

    You are right does seem like entering another grey area with Adrian. But with Adrian the grey area is only going to last while he is gone. This may be prove to be a pivotal point in your relationship, and I'm am hoping for the best!

    XOXO
    Kemi

  • Anonymous

    @ Krisin… FINALLY someone with a bit of sense!!! AMEN

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16630332880143415967 ShoeJunkie

    You know what CeCe? I hear you on the 'grey area' thing…but I have to agree with Kristen 100%. I'm slightly confused…you want something serious and it sounds like Adrian does too–so why not try being exclusive? I mean you made it pretty clear that you're not waiting around for Robert anyway. I can understand wanting to play the field some more but I kind of feel like this post reads as if 1 month is the end of the world– It isn't.

    I'm also surprised that you asked if other women would be joining Adrian on the trip. So what? Aren't all of women he encounters in his daily routine just as much of a 'threat'? What difference would it make if there was one joining him on his assignment? I don't know…it's just that I always read through your blog and feel this air of confidence that you carry yourself with, but I guess we all feel insecure at times.

    In any event, I know this is just a snapshot of your dating life but fingers crossed that you hear from Adrian when he gets back.

  • Anonymous

    CeCe,
    I am really proud of you. The way you describe it, you've handled this with grace and brains.
    It has taken me a long time to realize one of my key mistakes in new, budding relationships, is giving up the chase too early. It would have been easy for you to agree to a commitment right away, but instead you let him knew you were interested but confident enough to wait and get to know one another better and hopefully face to face.
    I think the other girls are right. This does give you a chance to get to know him more emotionally while he's away. See if it's more than talk. If he's genuine, you may just have a real deal relationship in the works. I hope you do.
    Thanks for sharing your stories. You've helped keep this single girl hopeful for romance too.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08118166101258845293 Kemi

    ^^^you hit it right on! I agree with you 100%.

    I was trying to figure out a way to express why is there a need to be exclusive when their relationship is new aaand he's going to be away for a month..

  • Anonymous

    I have to say that I also agree with Kristin 100%. I think you have been disappointed so much that you are starting to find faults where there are none to be found.
    I kind of feel that if Adrian wasn't away for work and wanted to spend all his time with you in an exclusive relationship then you would complain that he is smothering you.
    I think you are always looking for a reason to find fault with these men. Granted some of the men you have dated definitely had some issues. But Adrian seems to be a normal guy with a normal set of circumstances.
    No relationship exclusive or potential is going to come without issues, or baggage. Reading over your complaints, I kind of get the sense that you expect this to be a textbook relationship. That you and Adrian will date, get engaged, get married and live happily ever after. All without a hitch. But it doesn't work that way. That is a fairytale.

    What you are embaarking on is a real life situation. Like Kristin said, it is better to test the relationship now and see if it is strong enough to withstand a month apart. But if you aren't able to give just a little bit now, how do you know that you will be able to sacrifice more later when it really counts?
    Adrian's job requires him to travel on occasion that is a fact that won't change unless he changes his job/career. This isn't the only time that he will travel in the course of your knowing him. If you can't cope with a month now then perhaps you should let this good guy who wants to be with you go in favor of being with someone who isn't sure about you and doesn't travel(for example:Robert) But that isn't working out either.

    Please do some soul searching on this one, but I am really hoping that you give Adrian a chance and wait a month. It is only a month and I think this is something that will really work out for you. At least I am sincerely hoping that it works out for the best. Best of luck to you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17879712911705619880 cherry vidal

    hey cece, dont be negative he sounds like he is really into you be patient and it will all work out! check out my new blog fat girl diaries ;)

  • http://girlslashwoman.wordpress.com G/W

    I don't think this is a shoe-dropping scenario. This sounds pretty good to me because…
    a. He is obviously in commitment mode
    b. He'll be back before you know it
    c. This gives you enough time to figure out how you really feel about him
    This is actually awesome. I'm totally shipping Team Adrian.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15479980691366086356 Punky

    I love how you left him hanging on the "not dating other people comment" hehe. I'm sure he didn't expect that.

    So go get your skype on! Can't wait for the update =)