I was riding the 6 train with two of my gays on Sunday. We were drenched from a spontaneous downpour and tipsy from a spontaneous happy hour in the East Village. Sitting across from us was a plus size woman and her boyfriend. She was on the heavier end of the plus size spectrum and her boyfriend was tall and lanky. Although they were in conversation and I was chatting with my friends, I could feel my plus size counterpart looking at me.
Occasionally I would glance over at her; the first time we made eye contact, I quickly looked away. The second time we made eye contact, she casually linked arms with her boyfriend then she reached over and touched his leg. Each time we made eye contact she gave me what my gays would describe as The Ice Grill (The Ice Grill = A dirty look that incorporates nothing more than a malicious blank stare). I could pretend that I didn’t know why I was getting The Ice Grill, but I did.
She thought I wanted her boyfriend.
Was her boyfriend anything special? Nope, but by the way she was acting you would think that I was Angelina Jolie and she was Jennifer Aniston holding onto Brad for dear life. In reality, this guy was a below average dude (“below average” because when he smiled, I saw that he was missing a tooth and you know how I feel about that).
So… why was this girl so determined to let me know that this lanky, toothless man was hers? I’m pretty sure its because we were both plus size, and honestly, I can’t blame her for being so territorial….
A few months ago I was at a party with Robert and his friends. When Robert and I are together people don’t flirt with either of us because they assume (for better or worse) that we’re a couple. While his friends were mingling and dancing with different girls, Roberts attention was on me. There was one bigger girl on the dance floor with her friends and instead of trying to flirt and dance with the available guys in our group, she focused on Robert. She spent the evening giving me her version of The Ice Grill and I spotted her trying to dance with Robert while I was in line for the bathroom. “That girl is really aggressive,” Robert said when I returned.
I shrugged it off, because even though the girl was rude to me, I understood her plight. I’ve only been 100% sure that a guy was attracted to big girls when 1.) I saw him at a BBW club/bar or 2.) I saw him romantically engaged with a big girl. If the girl could bank on any guy at the party being interested in her, Robert was the sure bet because, duh– he was with me!
As plus size women we often assume that men wont date us because of our size. Of course there are plenty of men who are attracted to PSP’s but they don’t walk around wearing “I ♥ Big Girls” t-shirts (and if they did, that would be annoying). I’ll admit that I’ve been jealous of a PSP with a cute boyfriend and secretly wished I’d met him first. Obviously the PSP at the party was jealous that Robert was with me and the girl on the train assumed I was jealous of her and her dentally challenged lover.
Its like a vicious cycle. But I wonder why big girls do it. Do redheads give other redheads The Ice Grill so that they wont steal each others boyfriends? I doubt it…