If you’ve left a comment recently asking about Kevin, I don’t want you to think I’ve been ignoring you. I see your comments, tweets and facebook messages asking for updates on my holiday romance. I just… I don’t know what to say, but I decided this morning that I’m just going to write where things are, whats going on and why. I can only hope that I don’t ramble too much and that you will understand where I’m coming from.
When I was in California, everything was so simple. It was Christmas and I was home with nothing but time on my hands. For 10 whole days, I could see Kevin whenever I wanted, stay up till 3am with him and his friends and call him without having to calculate the time difference. From the moment I landed in JFK, the reality of the Kevin situation began to set in. Do I have time/resources for a long distance relationship? Is Kevin really what I wanted?
Do I have time for Kevin? I live a full life in the city, packed with friends, dating prospects and personal obligations like volunteering and church. Once the initial excitement of Kevin wore off, I started to feel like I was fitting him into my life instead of creating time for him. Staying up till 2am on a “school night” was not an option after the first 2 months and sometimes I forget to call him back. Not a good sign.
Do I have resources for an LDR? Long distance relationships can be expensive! When things started, Kevin was in the same city as my parents, so I knew it wouldn’t be too difficult to see him throughout the year. But everything changed when Kevin’s job took him out of state. He left California to spend a year in the mid west on a long term assignment. So now, he’s calling me even more but I feel like its out of boredom since he doesn’t really know anyone where he is. I don’t mind dropping hundreds of dollars on a flight home to see my family, Kevin and spend time on the beach. But I can’t see myself spending that money to fly to the middle of nowhere just for Kevin alone. I think that says something… doesn’t it?
Is Kevin what I’m looking for? The more I talk to Kevin, the more I realize that we see the world in completely different ways. I’m not trying to get ahead of myself, but there are some core values that we differ on and I couldn’t see him being the father of my kids. Because I don’t see a long term future for us, I don’t think it would be wise for me to continue considering everything it would take for us to maintain a long distance situation.
My experience with Kevin is one of the most genuine and special things that’s ever happened to me. It changed the way I see myself, what I expect and what I know I can have but sometimes things that are amazing aren’t meant to last forever.
Part One of this story is here
Part Two of this story is here
Part Three of this story is here
Part Four of this story is here