Deal Breakers: A Mental Match


I was messing around on twitter today when I came across this quote: “Surround yourself with smart ppl!.. Half of being smart is knowing what youre dumb about!”

I cannot tell you how many tall guys haven’t made the cut because they couldn’t hold an intelligent conversation with me.

About a year ago, I was at Native, a restaurant in Harlem. My date (who lived in Brooklyn) mentioned how much the neighborhood was changing. I made some comments about gentrification and offered my thoughts on it. Then I casually asked his opinion, since he was a native New Yorker. He replied, “Um, same as you” and went back to his food.

Not that I’m the most brilliant chick in the world, but there is something to be said for mental compatibility.

Have you ever been in a conversation where one of you stops and says “How did we even get on this subject?” That is my favorite! Nothing is hotter than being able to close down a restaurant with a guy because our conversation has wound its way from “how was your day?” to something ridiculous like VH1 reality shows to a random topic like social responsibility. I need a guy that can go there with me. Its not even about being on the same page all the time either, I love guys who are smart in ways that I’m not. Guys who know things that I don’t and see the word from a completely different angle. These are the guys that can bring something to the table during any conversation, challenge me and make me think. Hot. Hot. Hot.

I think I look for a mental yin & yang dynamic; different yet equal and my yin & yang grows over time as we both never stop learning from each other and the world.

Anyway, if we’re not a mental match we’re not a match. Is that too much to ask?

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  • Secretia

    The first mating is usually with our minds, then we do it with our bodies.


  • Phoenix

    I definitely agree.

    Even if there's passion first…when that dies away, a guy who can't hold a conversation is definitely not worth it.

  • Melissa Blake

    Hi there — great blog! Thanks for the follow friday on twitter!

    Have a good weekend!

  • Melly

    If I can't talk to them, if they can't challenge me, and we don't spend a good deal of our time laughing? Then I'm OUT. :)

  • Louisa

    I absolutely agree. That's one of the things I totally love and appreciate about the HH is that we teach each other new things about the world! It's absolutely a 'deal breaker' I mean saying "same as you" isn't even trying!!

  • Steven

    Men can be insane actually. The less know the more they seem to talk or at least drone on and on. The last date I was on I wore one of these weird shirts I found online…here actually:;=2&sort;_by=user10&search;=++Search++

    And it was amazing! We shared a really great night talking about really great situations we had found ourselves in the past.

  • Missouri Girl

    100% agree.

  • SweetT610

    No, I totally agree! And unfortunately for me, this is a concept that I developed as I got older. Great post! 😉