I’m sorry I haven’t been updating you lately but things have gotten sticky with Jeremy. I keep messing up… he keeps messing up… basically everything is a mess!
But before I get into that, I have to say that you all are the best readers ever! An anonymous reader left a comment on my last New Years Kiss post, that really got me thinking… she said a lot of great things but the part that stuck out to me was when she said:
“Take it from a slightly older PSP – ASK HIM. You have been assuming, analyzing, guessing and creating all kinds of scenarios in your pretty little head. Four times throughout all of these installments I just wanted to yell at you “JUST ASK HIM!! You’re creating more drama for yourself. He’s not a mind reader – if he’s an ass, then so be it, but if he’s just a clueless boy who doesn’t get that he’s confusing you (as most boys are)then speak up or you might throw away something good. Don’t make decisions based on instinct alone.” -Anonymous
Then Ms. Louisa chimed in with this:
“Hey Ce-Ce, I have to agree with anonymous. I too almost wrote something similar with this post but am assuming there’s already an end in sight that you will reveal in due course (hopefully soon!) If there’s not though, I really agree you just need to be honest. What do you have to lose?” -Louisa
Ms. Anonymous, when I read your comment I knew you were on to something, but I’ve never been the girl who can make the first move, first admission, first… anything! Call me old fashioned, but I’ve always waited for the guy to lead the way. Your note did inspire me but just when I’d get the courage to lay things out, something would happen. He’d do something to frustrate me or I’d do something to frustrate him. Or we’d have random encounters that just don’t help anything, like last week:
Last week, I ran into Jeremy at a restaurant near my apartment. He was with his best friend, Charlotte (who lives in my neighborhood). I was with a male friend of mine– someone taller, older and more established than Jeremy. It wasn’t a date, but Jeremy seemed really taken aback to see us together. I tried to play the whole thing off as no big deal, but the next day Jeremy sent me sarcastic text messages asking if I “had fun”. Since then when I’ve tried to make plans with him he’s too busy for me, which of course makes me not want to even think about putting my heart on the line with him.
To answer Ms. Louisa’s question, there isn’t really an end in sight right now. Sometimes I think of how cute it would be if I were chronicling the love story of CeCe & Jeremy while curled up next to him in the bed. Instead, during every twist and turn of this emotional roller coaster, I take a moment to write it all down here.
Jeremy is so important to me, but things just aren’t happening for us right now. As much as I care for him, I need him to want more and right now and I don’t think he does… hopefully you will keep reading, but I just can’t be sustained by compliments and stolen kisses.