Dear CeCe: I’m Still a Virgin… HELP! #CurvyConvo

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Soooo suddenly, my email inbox is full of letters from Plus Size Princesses who are also riding the “V Train”.  As you may have noticed, dating & relationships is usually what I stick to, but the amount of “Help, I’m still a virgin!” emails I’m getting tells me that we need to talk about this… so I’m going to step out of my comfort zone and answer two letters that I feel all of the virgins can relate to.

Everyone’s view of intimacy is different, and there’s no perfect answer that will fit everyone, so please feel free leave comments and offer guidance to these girls if you have it. I’ve gone into much more detail in the YouTube Video Below:

Letter 1:

Hey, CeCe!

I have a dilemma, a big one. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for four months now. Through advice from you and your blog posts, I was able to actually get over all of my body hangups, and I am able to be vulnerable with him when it comes to my body. My issue is that I am a 23 year oldvirgin,. I (one) never met anyone I felt comfortable getting intimate with before my boyfriend that felt like getting intimate with me back and (two) I have been battling with myself, and my religious beliefs on if I want to stay avirgin until marriage or not.

I have gone back and forth with this, and now that I found a guy I actually love, I’m thinking more and more that I would actually want to do the deed with him. A part of me is hesitant though. I mean, when I’m not a virgin any longer, what am I? I have been virgin Stephanie to all of my friends and family and it’s a part of my identity. I even used to wear it as a badge of honor. But a part of me wants to eventually (giving myself a year together before crossing that line) just share this with my boyfriend, who loves me like…I never thought I could or would be loved. But the other part feels like everyone will judge me, think less of me, and say that I was the girl that gave it up.

I know you may not be able to tell me what to do exactly, but I guess I am looking for advice on what you would do, or anything that could help. (Of course, no pressure from my boyfriend, he’s prepared to wait until marriage). I just know when it’s gone, it’s gone. And that part is terrifying. I don’t want to make a mistake or the wrong choice. 

Thank you for taking the time out to read this, if you ever get the chance. I love your blog and have been an avid reader for years.

Letter #2

Dear CeCe,

I’m a big fan of your blog and the positive and powerful messages you share with your readers. I’ve been one of those readers for over a year now. I’ve gotten so much strength out of your writing, and that’s why today I decided to write you an email out of the state of mind I’m in right now. 

I have had no luck in dating. I’ve had guys taken advantage of my good heart. That’s why when I met this new guy online I was so happy that we talked trough text messages for over a month. He is Muslim and couldn’t meet up, because he was fasting for Ramadan for the past month. He was clear he wanted to meet me after this month and we stayed in contact. Our conversations got longer and longer and even tough I tried to slow things down we both expressed our feelings for each other. There was only one thing I kept a secret from him. The thing is, i’m a 26 year old virgin. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone about this very personal and intimate part of myself. But at some point our conversations gotten too long and I felt I couldn’t keep it a secret. So I told him and he was shocked. Two days after this conversation he told me trough text he changed his mind. He said it was not his task to take my virginity and because i was already 26 i should continue to wait for marriage. The warm man he was earlier became ice cold. What’s the worth of staying a virgin if it feels like a burden?

I was hoping to get some advice or an opinion from you or your readers. Maybe they recognize the situation I’m in? 

Hi Ladies,

First of all, thanks so much for trusting me with such an intimate topic. I’ve made a video addressing both of your letters, but here are some things to think about as you watch:

1.) Why do we value/devalue ourselves based on our “body count”? I often feel like people make you feel awkward about sleeping with zero people and awkward if you’ve slept with lots of people. Is there something else we should be using to define ourselves as women?

2.) I can totally understand having your virginity as part of your identity. If you were raised in the church like me, purity culture is probably ingrained in you from the time you could say “he’s cute!”. Waiting for marriage is such a beautiful choice (a choice you’ll have to make again and again with each relationship, as you’re clearly learning ;-)) but I dont think you should feel like you’re falling off of your pedestal just because you decided to “do the do”

3.) I’m always careful not to put my self esteem in the hands of others. Parents, Pastors, Boyfriends, Girlfriends… none of them have the right to make us feel valued/de-valued based on what we do with our bodies.

4.) If you’re looking to lose your virginity, do your best to make it a shame and guilt free experience. Don’t rush things if you’re not ready. Dont feel bad if you’re more than ready… deep down you know what’s right for you

5.) As PSPs a lot of us struggle with physical intimacy because of our body image issues. That’s okay and perfectly normal. I still think its up to us to learn how to love ourselves in every way before we start introducing other folks into the equation. Perhaps we need to have some… um… solo intimacy times, put John Mayer “Your Body is a Wonderland” on repeat and go exploring!

Got a question for me? Contact me here!

Okay, now for this video where I dive deeper into virginity (and why I think the muslim guy bounced lol)

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My 2014 Wide Calf Boot Picks (under $99)

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Hi CeCe,

Since fall is underway, any recommendations on wide-calf riding boots?

-Maribel

Hi Maribel,

Great question! The wide calf boot hunt is definitely in full effect right now. Living in New York City, my Wide Calf boots must be: Comfortable and Supportive, Fun and Fashionable, Made to last a few seasons and, of course… affordable.

I’ve ordered three pairs of wide calf boots that I’m loving, but here are four more options from brands I trust from past purchases. Hope this helps and let me know what you end up getting!

xx,

CeCe

Wide Calf Boots Under $99 2014

 

1. Faux Leather Wide Calf Boot 2.) Over the Knee Wide Calf Boot 3.) Stacked Heel Wide Calf Dress Boot

4.) Tri Color Wide Calf boot 5.) Classic Wide Calf Riding Boot 6.) Two Tone Wide Calf Riding Boot

7.) Faux Suede Wide Calf Wedge Boot

I also scooped up these genuine leather wide calf boots, using this coupon I got $50 off! You can check out my boot haul below…

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Plus Size Fitness: Our #PSPfit Fall Fitness Pre-Game Challenge!

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Alright ladies, The Fall Cycle of #PSPfit bootcamp begins on October 28h. Beginning next Sunday, I’m going to start doing a #PSPfit Pre game challenge on instagram (follow me @PlusSizePrincess). If you’re up for it you can join me from anywhere in the world.  We’ll stay in touch on instagram and twitter using the #PSPfit Hashtag!

A lifestyle change is all about small adjustments that add up, so our pre-game is simple but ohhhhh so important. Hydration, Exercise and Rest create the foundation that gets me in the zone to crush workouts, let my body recover/release toxins and lets me look my best while I do it.

My Plus Size Fitness Basics

During the #PSPfit Pre-game challenge:

-We’ll be drankin… We’ll be drankin (100 ounces of Water each day)

-We’ll up in the gym just working on our fitness (four workouts per week, 30 minutes minimum)

-We’ll be waking up with cartoon birds chirping around our heads (6-8 hours of sleep each night)

If you live in NYC and want to step your game up a little more, I’m starting a #PSPfit Team NYC weekly workout group :-) Join the team for $25/month and work out with my trainer for an hour every Saturday morning @ 11am, rain or shine!

Right now, we can accommodate 15 girls, so the first 15 girls to register will be our first Team NYC members! The Registration link will go out on Friday afternoon at 12pm via email only. Be the first to register by joining the priority invite list:

Join the #PSPfit Team NYC Priority Invite List


 

 

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Order Your Limited Edition #PSPfit 2014 Shirt + Win a Complimentary Fall Boot Camp Membership!

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The next #PSPfit online clean eating and fitness boot camp starts on October 28th. We’ll spend the 30 days before Thanksgiving working with a Nutrition coach and a Fitness coach at a super discounted rate. Our coaches will provide 30 days of meal plans, recipes and plus size work out videos to whip us into shape before the holiday season.

Registration begins in a few weeks, and to kick things off, we’ve got limited edition $20 #PSPfit Tshirts available for the next 7 days!

Supporting #PSPfit with a Tshirt, helps us to create online workout videos and programming for Healthy Curves at Every Size!
Owning a 2014 Tshirt makes you eligible for a complimentary #PSPfit boot camp membership! (Order here)
PSPfit TeeSpring

 

Thanks to the five PSP’s who’ve already ordered a shirt… if 45 more of us support this #PSPfit T-Shirt campaign, that means we can produce more free Plus Size Workout Videos on YouTube!

Also, if we reach out 50 Tshirt goal we will give away five complimentary boot camp memberships.  (Note: Only those who purchase a shirt will be eligible to win!)

Shirts are available in size small to 4XL! The sale ends October 1st, order your shirt at teespring.com/PSPfit

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The Weight of Loss: I’ve Been Eating Through My Grief

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At the beginning of June I was six pounds away from my Summer 2014 goal. In the middle of June one of my Aunts passed away unexpectedly and needless to say, those six pounds were the last thing on my mind.

I spent the first few days grieving alone. I live in New York City and the majority of my family is in California, so all I wanted to do was fly home and be with people who understood our loss. There were people I needed to embrace, there were people I needed to embrace me. As I waited for arrangements and booked flights I felt like I was under water, swimming through the sudden void we had in our family.

There are people who write about grief and loss much better than I can. My girl Ty wrote a blog post one year after her mother died here. #PSPfit Cheer Squad member, Brianne shared a beautiful letter from her Dad after he passed away here.

The Weight of Loss I've Been Eating Through My Grief

What I thought we could talk about today is how loss, grief and bereavement can affect our journey towards healthy living. For me emotional health is as much a part of my #PSPfit lifestyle as my eating or hitting the gym. If I sprained my ankle and couldn’t work out, I’d look at ways to stay on track in spite of my injury. So what should we do when our emotions are injured?

Unexpected loss could happen at any time. We could lose a job, a relationship or a loved one at the drop of a hat. As an emotional eater, my tendencies to want to fill voids with food can show up at times like this and its a slippery slope before I’m eating unsupportive foods I haven’t touched in years in an effort to find comfort.

When I was in California, we had an abundance of foods that would “keep” around my Grandmothers house. Trays of baked goods, macaroni and cheese, enchiladas, tamales were constantly dropped off from family friends and neighbors.

Bringing food to families that are grieving is something we all do. Food is brings us together, food makes us feel comfort and logistically, we want to make sure anyone who is in the midst of funeral arrangements doesn’t have to come home and worry about cooking.

In talking with our #PSPfit nutrition coach, Abra, I came to an understanding that finding comfort in family, friends and food during a time of grief isn’t anything to be ashamed of. The hard part for me was navigating the transition between grief eating and my healthy curves lifestyle. In theory, the minute I flew back to NYC after the funeral, I should have left the baked good, mac and cheese, etc. in California but that didn’t happen.

I’ve fallen off the wagon before and managed to undo months of hard work in a matter of weeks. The difference this time was that even though my emotional eating was in full effect and I was binging on foods that were unsupportive, my healthy choices never went away. When I felt sad said yes to foods I had no business eating… but I also said yes to my whole grains, leafy greens and workouts.

So, now I’m 15 pounds away from my summer 2014 goal instead of six. Not great, but trust me it could have been worse. For me this weight gain has brought back some things like my eczema flare ups and some PCOS symptoms that had gone away are back. I’m finally getting to a place emotionally where I can think about, care about and do something about the impact of these 15 pounds on my body.

I’ve mapped out a plan to finish 2014 strong when it comes to my health and if you’re interested in staying/getting back on track, I’d love for you to join me so we can keep each other accountable. On Wednesdays blog post, I’ll post the full details on a little #PSPfit Pre-game challenge I’m cooking up.

That’s it. My emotions and my eating are intertwined, but I know I have it in me to make these commitments to myself and get my life together a bit more before the end of the year.

How have you girls been doing on your healthy curves journeys? Any set backs? Big wins?

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Plus Size Princess in Pink & Peplum (Say that Three Times, Fast!)

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How do you girls feel about peplum tops these days?

Every time I think peplum doesn’t work for me, I find one more variation that I want to try, so I ordered this plus size peplum blazer and surprise! I liked it!!

Plus Size Peplum Blazer Plus Size Full Pink Skirt 1

This jacket basically speaks for its self, so I can also pair it with skinny jeans or a pencil skirt.  I can wear it as a light jacket during date night or as an all day office blazer. I don’t own a lot of blazers because they make me feel restricted in the arms/shoulders, but this one fits almost like a workout jacket, with a zipper instead of buttons, so its comfortable and looks structured without being structured, this makes it easy for me to wear it all day.

Plus Size Blazer Peplum Plus Size Full Pink Skirt 2Plus Size Peplum Jacket Here | Plus Size Full Pink Skirt Here | Wide Width Leather Heels Here | Faux Leather Trim Tank Here

Since I’m in the mood to try new things, I’ve also been using a new laptop for my blogging. I’m an Apple girl, but when Intel asked me to test out the Intel 2 in 1 laptop/tablet, I was like “obvi!”.

I do love I can eject the monitor from the keyboard and voila I have a tablet. I also love that carrying it in tablet mode lets me have all of my saved info with me in one place. I could see this being an option for someone who doesn’t want to invest in an tablet and laptop separately… This device definitely budget friendly.

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Shop my outfit below!

 

#spon: I’m required to disclose a relationship between my site and Intel This could include Intel providing me w/content, product, access, etc..

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